We Are Not from Here

Pulga breathes the cold desert night air deeply, hoping to numb the parts of himself that hurt physically and emotionally. He hears Nilsa tell Nene to look at the many stars followed by Nene’s gasp of wonder, but Pulga now knows that nothing truly beautiful exists. He walks but feels dead.

The migrants walk all night. Most of that time Nilsa carries Nene on her back, tied in place with a scarf. Gancho shows them to a hollow in the rock on the side of the mountain where they eat tuna and prepare to rest for the day. Pequeña tries to get Pulga to eat, but he says he does not care anymore. She wonders if she should force him to eat but decides to let him rest instead.

Everyone sleeps except for Pulga and Nene. Nene rolls a red ball around as he lies beneath his mother’s arm. Nene tries to elicit a response from Pulga by rolling to the ball to him. Pulga tries to ignore him and scowls at him, descending further into depression and grief: “The trip has erased so much from my mind and all that’s left in there is La Bestia, an exhaustion, and ghost voices, and Chico’s death” (302). Pulga briefly has a change of heart and rolls the ball back once, then turns and stares at the fading light until it is time to walk again.

This second night of walking, Alvaro tries to carry Nene, but cannot due to a weak heart. Nilsa ties Nene up in her scarf again and they hurry to catch up to Gancho. Pequeña has great trouble getting Pulga to keep up. Again and again he slows while she tries to hurry him along, barely able to see those walking ahead. Finally the sun rises and Gancho has them hide in a manmade shelter of rocks and brush. It barely fits them. Gancho tells Pequeña that Pulga “doesn’t look too good” (304), but Pequeña says Pulga will be fine. She gets Pulga to eat some of a protein bar and drink some water, but when she places tuna fish in his mouth, he vomits everything back up. Gancho tells Pequeña to clean it up. They all try to sleep but the shelter is cramped and hot, and Pequeña worries because Pulga’s breathing is labored and “spastic.” Finally, night begins to fall; the heat fades, and Gancho tells them to mobilize. Pulga refuses to get up. Pequeña tries begging and giving him water, but he will not move. Gancho tries once to get Pulga moving, but Pulga gives a bare shake of his head. Gancho prepares to leave without him and tells Pequeña she must decide whether to come or not, telling her, “That’s not just dehydration you see there […] That’s him giving up” (306). Pequeña begs the others not to leave her and Pulga, but they must. Alvaro makes the sign of the cross on Pequeña’s head and asks God to keep them safe; the brothers give her some extra protein bars and water. Then they leave and fade away fast in the darkness. Pequeña tries to pull Pulga up but cannot.

Through the depths of his grief, Pulga hears Pequeña trying to convince him that they can still make it, but all he can see is Chico telling him “I’ll go with you!” (310) with regard to Pulga’s early dream to go to California. He is now convinced that his dreams of a future and freedom were dreams “never meant for [them]” (310).

Pequeña drags Pulga from the shelter, angry now, yelling and swearing at him. She begins to drag him in the direction she saw the others go. Soon she sees shapes surrounding them that she thinks are ghosts of others who did not make the crossing: “That’s going to be us” (312). They fall, and Pequeña does not come to consciousness until the blazing sun is up. She tries to get Pulga to move again, but soon they both hallucinate Chico calling to them. Pequeña thinks she sees water on the horizon as well. A white van zooms up to them and Pequeña sees uniformed Border Patrol men get out. A Border Patrol agent pushes Pulga against the truck and pats him down for weapons. When the agent pats down Pequeña, he realizes she is a woman. He laughs and gives her a menacing look. When Pulga falls unconscious, Pequeña runs away into the desert.

Pulga is only vaguely aware that he is being yelled at and pushed into the van; he is more aware that Pequeña is gone. He overhears the men as they drive away saying muerte (death).

Pequeña runs and runs through a rough terrain of dry bushes, boulders, and stacked rocks. She feels that she cannot stop running. Finally a thought of Pulga breaks through her daze and she turns to look for the van. There is nothing but the emptiness of the desert. She drops beneath a tree despite thorns on the undergrowth and thinks she will die there.

The border patrol officers place Pulga in a cell-like room that is freezing cold with only a foil blanket. Other migrants huddle there as well. Someone brings him crackers. He hears Chico’s ghost telling him to not give up. When he wakes, he is given an apple before getting on a bus with other young migrants. Chico whispers that he should eat the apple, so he does. At a new detention center, he is given a numbered slip for his backpack, which is then taken from him. Pulga is placed in a metal cage with other boys. The guards give them half-frozen tortillas and tell them not to complain. Pulga turns away and “falls into a black so deep, so wide,” (325) he feels he will never return.

At night Pequeña has a vision in which she first thinks La Bruja has come to take her to death, then realizes she, Pequeña, is “all the women who are leading [her] through the land of the dead” (327). In the day, she walks again. She wanders near a road and two women, one of whom is named Marta, stop to pick her up. In the car, she feels that hope has survived in her heart.

In the metal cage, Pulga finds Nene. Nene tells Pulga his father fell in the desert and might have died. He says he was with Nilsa in another cage but they took him away from her by promising him a cookie. Pulga tells Nene to try not to think about his papa. Pulga dreams that night about trying to catch Chico as he falls but that Chico’s arm detaches; he hears screams. Pulga wakes and realizes the screams were his own and that his nightmare has upset Nene. Pulga tries to comfort Nene but thumps his own chest trying to “finish breaking whatever is left inside” (331).

Marta, one of the women who saved Pequeña, makes coffee and breakfast the next day. Marta tells Pequeña that she could not leave Pequeña because Marta’s sister’s daughter died trying to cross from Mexico years before. Now her sister works at a shelter in Mexico near train tracks. Pequeña guesses Marta’s sister is Soledad; amazed, Marta confirms this is true. Pequeña tells Marta her story and Marta calls Pequeña’s mother. Pequeña sobs to hear Lucia’s voice and can only say that she is all right. Marta tells Lucia where Pequeña is. Lucia says she will call Consuelo to let her know where Pulga is. Marta tells Pequeña she can stay and promises to help her. Pequeña tells Marta her name is Flor, and finally starts to feel relief.

Pulga tries to keep track of days by the meals but struggles to do so. One day a guard tells him to change into clean clothes because he is getting out. Pulga claims his backpack with the number he was given. A lawyer and a woman greet him in a separate room. Pulga recognizes the woman as his father’s sister. She hugs him and tells him he will stay with her in the United States while the courts try his case. Pulga and his aunt drive away but soon stop in a parking lot so that she can call his mother. Consuelo sobs and tells Pulga she is not mad; she understands and loves him. Pulga is too confused to speak. His aunt tells Consuelo they will call soon as Pulga is in “some kind of shock” (342). It hits Pulga then that his trip was real, and that his experiences pushed him very near to his breaking point, but that he survived, and that his heart is indeed still beating. Pulga feels like his chest screams as he allows his heart to feel again. His aunt promises he will be okay. Pulga allows the hope to reawaken that he “will make it” (344).