The Mostly True Adventures of Homer P. Figg

Into the drawing room shuffles a tall, skinny young man in ill-fitting clothes and a stove-pipe hat. His name is Webster B. Willow, and he’s all nervous apologies. He shakes Homer’s hand absently, then listens as Mr. Brewster explains his task, to speak to newspaper editors, church elders, and others who might know where Harold is.

The next day, Homer and Mr. Willow take a carriage to the Boston and Maine Railroad station, where they board a train for Portland, Maine. The passengers are “dressed up like they’re on their way to church” (80). It’s 38 miles to Portland; the train will arrive there in an hour and a half, faster than a horse can gallop. It’s a first train ride for both Homer and Mr. Willow; the clergyman is nervous, but once the train gets under way, he enjoys the ride. Homer is impressed by all the places and things that pass by the windows.

Mr. Willow was a prizewinning Bible student, but now he needs a congregation. He believes his work, helping Homer find Harold, is a test; if he passes, Mr. Brewster will find him a position as a minister. The train’s motion rocks Homer to sleep. When he awakens, they’ve arrived in Portland, where the trouble begins. 

At Portland, the harbor is downhill from the station, but Mr. Willow, who has no sense of direction, manages to get them lost and wandering uphill. Finally, Homer says, “I expect the water part of the city will be downhill, Mr. Willow” (84), and they turn around and quickly find the harbor, crowded with boats and ships.

As they approach the correct dock, a carriage flies past and a beautiful young woman, moving to avoid it, falls into Mr. Willow’s arms. She thanks him, and a well-dressed young man runs up and asks if his sister is all right. They introduce themselves as Kate and Frank Nibbly, and they gush over Mr. Willow for his heroism. Mr. Willow is quite taken by all the attention. By coincidence, the Nibblys will be on the same ship as Homer and Mr. Willow.

Kate, holding her gloves, flaps them on Homer’s head and asks if he’s Mr. Willow’s servant: “Can’t say he’s doing much for you” (87). Miffed, Homer grabs the gloves and drops them in the gutter. He tells them about his journey to find his brother and that Mr. Willow is a clergyman. Frank shakes Homer’s hand, declares that he’s a lawyer, and that he’s “entirely at your service” (88). Homer is in trouble already but doesn’t know it. 

The four go to a harbor restaurant, where Kate and Mr. Willow flirt like they’re dating, and Frank keeps asking questions of Homer. The boy notices that it’s getting past time to board the ship, and everyone else is getting up to leave, but Frank insists there’s still plenty of time. Homer gets suspicious: “something tells me the Nibblys don’t really have tickets for the steamship, but want to trick us into missing the boat so they can figure out how to fool Mr. Willow into giving them the money” that Mr. Brewster has entrusted to Mr. Willow to pay the expenses of Homer’s trip (91).

Homer takes Mr. Willow by his sleeve and drags him to the ship. They board, but Mr. Willow gazes at the docks, searching for Kate. She and Frank have vanished. Their cabin is cramped, but Mr. Willow slumps down onto his bunk and refuses to move. Homer realizes the clergyman is lovesick with a woman who doesn’t give a whit about him—“one liar can always recognize another” (93)—but there’s nothing Homer can say that Mr. Willow wants to hear.

It grows dark and the two travelers sleep until a ship steward knocks at the cabin door with a message for Homer: The captain requests his presence. Homer follows the steward to another cabin, where the steward locks him in and leaves him. Homer realizes the steward has been paid to remove Homer from their cabin so Mr. Willow can be robbed. Homer finds a way out and rushes back to their cabin, but Frank Nibbly is already there, ushering Kate and Mr. Willow through the door. Mr. Willow is ecstatic: He tells Homer that he and Kate are to be married. 

Homer tries to talk sense into Mr. Willow, but the clergyman is convinced he and Kate are soul mates. Homer warns Mr. Willow that Mr. Brewster won’t be happy that the clergyman has abandoned his responsibilities, but Mr. Willow believes the Nibblys are wealthy New Yorkers who will appoint him to preach on Park Avenue. Homer says the Nibblys just want to steal his money, but Mr. Willow replies that he’s not sure Homer even has a brother, and that maybe it’s Homer who’s running a scam. Frank has the steward take Homer away. Homer escapes but slips on the deck, hits his head, passes out, and awakens to the smell of pigs. 

Thinking about a story he once heard—a man who loves pork in all its forms comes home drunk one night, falls into the pig sty, and gets eaten by the hogs—Homer kicks a pig away from his foot and realizes he’s stuck inside a crate of pigs in the hold of the ship. He shouts for hours but becomes hoarse and can barely speak.

The hold opens and the pig crate is hauled up and swung over onto the dock. Homer grabs the leg of a dock worker, who peers in at him. Homer points to his sore throat and croaks and squeaks, and the worker calls others over to see the boy among the pigs. They conclude he was raised by them; Homer protests, but all that comes out are squeaks. The men poke sticks at him, getting him to squeal; one worker throws pig slop on him. Homer learns that they stay back if he growls and snarls like a rabid dog.

A tall man in polished boots berates the onlookers, insists they open the crate, and delivers Homer from the pigs. He orders the men to rinse the slop from Homer, then offers the boy a drink of water. Refreshed, Homer gets his voice back and thanks the man, who calls himself Professor Fenton J. Fleabottom. He runs a circus, and, impressed by Homer’s performance—“You play an outraged swine like you were born to the part” (107)—asks if Homer would like a job as a circus geek.