Running With Scissors: A Memoir

One night, Neil comes into Augusten’s room and tells him that he’s going out to buy film. Neil doesn’t come back, and Augusten has a hunch that he got on a train. Sure enough, they find out that Neil booked a ticket to Manhattan and the train has already arrived there. Augusten and Hope set off for the city and try to find Neil by searching various gay bars but are unsuccessful. They return home, and nobody hears from Neil again. After a year, his belongings are packed away, and Augusten is left with “the most awful and curious itch inside [him] that [he] couldn’t scratch” (255).

At the Finch home, Augusten and the others are free to do as they want and be who they want. Nevertheless, Augusten feels trapped and is unsure why. Now 16, he has moved on from Neil and hopes that finding a new boyfriend will be his ticket to true freedom. One night, he meets a convenience store clerk he finds attractive and who appears to be flirting with him. Augusten gets excited, runs home, writes him a note inviting him to call, and rushes back to the store. This time, the man is accompanied by his friends, but Augusten passes him the note anyway. He leaves the store and watches as the clerk reads the note and laughs with his friends. Augusten suddenly realizes that the clerk is straight and feels mortified. He never wants to go into that store again, and it occurs to him that he has trapped himself now more than ever. Augusten realizes the downside of having no adult guidance in his life: “The problem with not having anybody to tell you what to do, I understood, is that there was nobody to tell you what not to do” (264).

The family sits watching the wedding of Lady Diana and Prince Charles, and Agnes comments on how much Natalie looks like Princess Diana. Augusten agrees, and Natalie jokingly parades around pretending to be a princess. Agnes makes a remark implying that Natalie is unlike Diana due to her being overweight, and this starts an argument between them. Augusten suggests leaving the house, and Agnes snidely says that they should go to McDonald’s. This inspires Natalie to grab Agnes’s wallet and steal $20. Natalie feels disgusted with her appearance, but she and Augusten go to McDonald’s anyway. They spend the full $20 and need more money, so Natalie suggests asking one of her father’s friends, who happens to be a priest. The priest gives her all the money from the tithing basket so that she and Augusten can go see a movie, and afterward they laugh about how much of a “crooked old man” (272) he is.

It’s now May, but the Christmas tree remains up in the Finch home, and Augusten and Natalie search it for leftover candy canes. Augusten feels as if his and Natalie’s lives are “one endless stretch of misery punctuated by processed fast foods and the occasional crisis or amusing curiosity” (274). He feels that a Christmas tree in May is a natural addition to the strangeness that inhabits his daily life. Hope comes in and suggests that Natalie and Augusten get rid of the tree, so Natalie stuffs it in Hope’s bedroom. Augusten remembers his tenth Christmas, while he was still living with his parents. They fought throughout the entire holiday, but his memory focuses on how he and his mother for some reason became particularly infected with the Christmas spirit that year. Augusten decorated his room with lights and a garland, and Dierdre bought a massive Christmas tree to decorate with dozens of ornaments and ribbons. As Christmas approached, Augusten realized that he wasn’t getting the record album he asked for and started to resent Christmas. His father drank alone, and Troy seemed indifferent. Dierdre sensed the change of mood, erupted into a rage, and knocked over the Christmas tree.

Natalie gets a job at McDonald’s and pays for Augusten and herself to go whale watching in Cape Cod. Natalie is wearing her McDonald’s uniform because all her other clothes are dirty, and Augusten teases her about it. No whales are in sight, but being on a trip away from home is a peaceful and much-needed break for them both. Afterward, they go for lobster, and despite not having any shoes, are seated due to Natalie’s keen manipulation skills. At dinner, Augusten asks what they plan to do with their lives and says without thinking that he wants to “run away to New York City and become a writer” (289). He then takes it back, but Natalie insists that he’d make a great writer. Augusten doubts himself because of his lack of education but is comforted by her faith in him. Natalie wants to be a psychologist and a singer. She remarks that she feels as if she and Augusten are always chasing something, and Augusten replies, “We’re running alright. Running with scissors” (290). He feels as if he’s living life haphazardly and wants desperately to find some direction. Back at the hotel, Natalie can’t find her earrings anywhere and accuses the maid of stealing them. When the manager denies it, she lifts the mattress off the bed and throws it into the hotel pool.

When Augusten is 17 and Natalie 18, they move into an apartment together. Natalie attends a local community college, and Augusten passes his GED exam and then enrolls as a pre-med student. He feels proud to be on the road to becoming a doctor but neglects his studies in favor of writing short stories. He writes off-topic essays for English and fails most of his classes. One of his professors confronts him, wondering if he really wants to be a doctor. Augusten admits that he only wants “the respect of a doctor” (295) and realizes that he’s destined for a different life. He drops out of college, and soon after, his mother calls, asking to see him.

Dierdre explains to Augusten that she no longer wants to be involved with Dr. Finch or his family. She seems collected for the first time in years and explains that Dr. Finch has been overmedicating her for years. She admits that Dr. Finch raped her during one of her psychotic episodes and that he’s angry with her for wanting to separate from him now. When Augusten tells Natalie all of this, she denies it, calling Dierdre “crazy.” Augusten believes his mother, though, and recalls all the times that Dr. Finch handed him pills as if they were candy. Natalie demands that Augusten choose the Finches or his mother, and Augusten realizes that he wants neither. He decides to go stay at a motel, and when he finally calls Natalie a week later, she says that Dr. Finch wants Dierdre to go to the psychiatric hospital again. Augusten denies that this is necessary and hangs up on Natalie. He moves into his own apartment the same week and gets a job as a waiter. Augusten dreams of New York City, thinking he might fit in there, and realizes that all the chaos of his adolescence has prepared him for anything that the city might throw at him.