46 pages • 1 hour read
Kathryn J. Edin, Maria J. KefalasPromises I Can Keep: Why Poor Women Put Motherhood Before Marriage
Nonfiction | Book | Adult | Published in 2005A modern alternative to SparkNotes and CliffsNotes, SuperSummary offers high-quality Study Guides with detailed chapter summaries and analysis of major themes, characters, and more.
Chapters 2-3Chapter Summaries & Analyses
Chapter 2 Summary
Relationships may become strained once a young couple conceives, as with Mahkiya Washington and her long-term boyfriend, Mike. Mike continued to party while Mahkiya spent time at home. He also faced new financial demands that his minimum-wage job struggled to meet. The pregnancy permanently changed their relationship, and Mahkiya notes that “[s]he [couldn’t] fathom why the boyfriend who adored her could begin to treat her with such contempt” (53).
Mike is not an anomaly, for evidence shows that many fathers-to-be respond in similar ways, “attempting to deny the new reality” (53). The fact that these young men do not have to adjust their lives to the new physical reality of pregnancy helps explain this behavior: Society does not place the same expectations on fathers-to-be as pregnant women, whose condition is visible and requires sacrifices to maintain the fetus’s health. The fathers’ friends, by contrast, often prompt them to live it up before the baby arrives.
Fathers-to-be more frequently respond with “shock and trepidation” when their partners conceive, even if the couple wants children together. Mike, for instance, responded to the news of Mahkiya’s pregnancy by denying he was the father and encouraging her to terminate the pregnancy. Others respond by abandoning their pregnant girlfriends or resorting to physical violence as they deny paternity. New pressure frequently results in relationship “overdrive,” as the expectant mother wants her boyfriend to grow up, get a stable job, stop partying, and help her navigate the pregnancy. Many men fail to live up to these expectations, which leads many to regret their decisions and resent their partners’ demands on their time and resources. The researchers observe that “[b]oyfriends who at first dote on their pregnant girlfriends may suddenly start staying out late, drinking or ‘drugging,’ or begin to ‘dog’ them with other women” (58). For example, 17-year-old mother Kyra describes how her boyfriend began cheating on her with a neighbor in her final month of pregnancy, something for which she cannot forgive him. Some boyfriends, alternatively, respond with domineering behavior; pregnancy marks the beginning of their emotional and physical abusiveness. Other women report that their pregnancies led to closer bonds with their partners, as was the case for Antonia Rodriguez and Emilio, as fathers develop protectiveness over their children and partners.
A baby’s birth marks another turning point in these young relationships, as some previously disinterested fathers are temporarily transformed by the “magical moment” of birth. Seven out of 10 unwed fathers attend the births of their children, for example, and those who are absent show their unwillingness to take responsibility for their children. The birth of a child may bring ”euphoria” that assuages the relationship problems of the previous months. Many new mothers hope the change is permanent since they want their children to have two parents, while others are distrustful.
Edin and Kefalas observe that a new mother’s willingness to give her child the father’s surname indicates the relationship’s status at the time of birth; withholding his name signals disapproval. For instance, Mahkiya Washington, motivated by Mike’s negative attitude about the pregnancy, gave her child her own last name instead.
Many parents hope their daughters will refrain from having children while young, unwed, and without a complete education. Family members are often disappointed when they discover their daughters’ pregnancies, but the circumstances simultaneously “[galvanize] those same adults to help and support her—if not for her sake, then for the unborn child’s” (65). Edin and Kefalas note that in these communities, overcoming obstacles reaps social prestige. Young pregnant women’s mothers also play important support roles across these low-income communities: “[A] mother’s parental or grandparental home also serves as a haven when relationships for bad, a job is lost, and the rent cannot be paid” (66). Many of Philadelphia’s row homes thus house multiple generations of families. Half of the subjects interviewed lived in such households. Though mothers of pregnant teens and young women may not approve of their pregnancies, they understand that their daughters may rise to the occasion.
Young fathers know that if they fail to support their children’s mothers, they may miss out on their children’s lives when the romantic relationship is severed. Likewise, they will bear the financial burden of child support. Thus, in contrast to these young women who see the birth of a child as a new lease on life, a new father may see it as a dead end.
Chapter 3 Summary
Childbirth’s “magical moment” is the transition point between coupledom and family that can alter a relationship for the better, at least momentarily: Edin and Kefalas note that “a baby is the living, undeniable proof of a couple’s bond, and its arrival is a powerful reason for staying together that is more tangible than a fleeting crush or even a rapidly swelling belly” (73). Nevertheless, many of these relationships fail. National survey data shows that eight out of 10 unwed couples are together when their child is born, and almost all of them believe they will remain together and even marry. However, many split up by the time their child starts preschool, and half break up within a year of birth.
These ambitions falter for multiple reasons, which can include a father’s criminal activity, drug and/or alcohol use, intimate partner violence, and infidelity. Many participants reported their partners lost work as Philadelphia’s economy declined, and they became impatient as months passed without steady employment, especially when men failed to hold jobs due to conflict with coworkers or laziness. Other women reported that their children’s fathers failed to adequately share their income and “squander[ed]” wages on alcohol, drugs, clothing, or electronics. The mothers believe that a failure to provide financially suggests a lack of commitment to their relationship and children. Women thus choose singledom since they believe they can adequately care for their children alone and are practically doing so anyway. Financial trouble, however, is not the sole cause for failed relationships. One-third of the study’s participants said criminal activity and their partners’ stints in jail killed their relationships. Half report intimate partner violence leading to their relationship’s conclusion, while four out of 10 said cheating was the cause of their break-ups.
Some men temporarily resort to crime, like drug dealing, to provide the money they need to support their new family. The researchers observe that “[m]others, however, seldom consider this a legitimate, long-term alternative to a ‘real’ job in the formal economy” (82), especially since drug dealing puts mothers and their children in real danger. Alcohol and drug use are also prevalent in the neighborhoods studied. When fathers develop addictions, their drug and/or alcohol use drains the family’s monetary resources. Many mothers report that their partners developed addictions after the births of their children.
There are generally more women in these communities than men, which means that women have a limited supply of partners to choose from and men are prone to infidelity. Edin and Kefalas note that women are rarely willing to put up with chronic cheating: “The worst-case scenario is when a ‘side’ relationship produces a child because this creates an alternative family with equal claim to the man’s income and loyalty” (92-93). Infidelity comes with possible negative health consequences like sexually transmitted infections, and it may drain the family’s financial resources as an unfaithful man spends more on another woman. The mothers interviewed deem this behavior unacceptable because of the negative effect it has on their children.
Intimate partner violence is more common in low-income communities, and it destroys a woman’s “sense of self” (94). One study participant, Mickey, reports that her partner’s constant physical abuse left her suicidal, while another, Carmelita, reports that she endured abuse because she was financially dependent on her partner. Intimate partner violence also includes mental and emotional abuse. For example, Ebony explains that her child’s father once declared that he could easily burn her face with an iron. Another participant recounts her boyfriend’s constant criticism of her appearance. Women are perplexed by their partners’ motives; some suggest that the burden of their responsibilities contributes to violent outbursts, while others blame addiction or the familial cycle of abuse. The study’s Puerto Rican and white participants were more likely to report domestic violence than African American women, and Edin and Kefalas speculate that this may be because “African American mothers are less likely to cohabit with a male partner” (98). Infidelity, alternatively, is common across racial and ethnic lines, and criminality is a more common cause of relationship breakdowns in African American couples. This is partly due to illegal drug use, as the authors present that drug use is more common among African American and Puerto Rican men, while alcoholism permeates white communities, but drug use more commonly leads to incarceration.
Edin and Kefalas assert that women in poor communities “lack access to the better matches that middle-class women make” (99). They simply have fewer options when choosing an adequate partner. These men often fail to maintain the promises they made to change as the “magical moment” of childbirth recedes into the past. New mothers are willing to give up the fun and partying of their past, while new fathers have a much more difficult time doing so.
Chapters 2-3 Analysis
Edin and Kefalas explore the impact of conception and birth on young, low-income couples’ partnerships in these chapters, particularly on fathers. Young fathers often retreat from their responsibilities to their relationships when pregnancy occurs despite their early declarations that they want babies with their girlfriends. The researchers interrogate what causes this change and how it affects low-income, unwed mothers. Though Edin and Kefalas did not interview fathers, other sociologists have studied fatherhood, masculinity, and men’s labor. Masculinity and work are intertwined in modern US society, which may explain why some of these men react so negatively to their new circumstances. Sociologists Judy Root Aulette, Judith Wittner, and Kristen Barber observe:
Paid work is part of the social construction of masculinity […] Because paid work is so closely tied to masculinity, what happens when men are unable to find a job and earn a living? Homeless men provide an answer to this question. They are stripped of their connection to the symbols of masculinity—a job, money, a car, a house (Aulette, Judy Root, et al. Gendered Worlds, Oxford University Press, 2020, pp. 190-191).
This reinforces Edin and Kefalas’s assertions about men’s struggles to provide for their new families and take on the role of father. Likewise, sociologist Jesse Bernard coined the term “good-provider role” for the pervasive belief that men should be skilled at generating income through work (Bernard, Jesse. “The Good Provider Role: Its Rise and Fall.” American Psychologist, vol. 36 no. 1, 1981, pp. 1-12). According to Bernard, men who fail at doing so are socially seen as incomplete adults and less masculine. Edin and Kefalas assert that insecurities about their new roles as fathers and providers may contribute to these men’s drug use, alcoholism, or criminal activity, which further derail their relationships with their children’s mothers. Nicholas Townsend notes in his 2002 book, The Package Deal: Marriage, Work, and Fatherhood in Men’s Lives that men often fall short of their ambitions to be good fathers, in alignment with Edin and Kefalas’s findings.
Alternatively, Good Mothering and “Being There” begin for women even before birth as they change their lifestyles, a choice that is necessitated by pregnancy. Since men do not carry babies, fathers-to-be can be resistant to change and may resent their partners. Edin and Kefalas find that women believe their boyfriends should become “family men,” and even though many of these men ultimately vow to change at the “magical moment of birth” (60) they often fall back into their old ways when that magic wears off. Additionally, the same poor economic opportunities that motivate some young women to keep their pregnancies can cause men to resort to crime when they cannot find legitimate, decent-paying work, which puts their families in danger. Sixteen-year-old Cherry, for instance, told her partner she would leave him if he continued selling drugs because it put their family at risk. Young mother Mickey also expressed frustration that her child’s father did not have a legitimate job, telling him, “We have a kid—it’s not on the way anymore. The kid’s home now, and it’s time for you to get a job. I can’t do it by myself. They baby can’t live off love, it’s gotta live off money” (82). As Edin and Kefalas explore how mothers fear their children’s fathers will be killed or end up incarcerated because of their dangerous lifestyles, they also note that many men feel they have no other way of supporting their families. This has been an especially prevalent issue since welfare reform in the 1990s as there is less government assistance for low-income families.
Drug dealing frequently contributes to these men’s drug use, and others develop alcohol addictions, making their home lives precarious. This behavior impacts their ability to earn and support a family, too, with Edin and Kefalas noting: “Men who drink to excess or love to get high often find it difficult to show up at work on time, much less be appealing partners or responsible caregivers” (102). These men also set poor examples for their children and put their children in jeopardy of being taken into foster care. These are risks many unwed mothers are unwilling to take, which explains their preference for living and raising their children alone rather than always marrying. Infidelity and intimate partner violence also dissolve relationships. Other risks Edin and Kefalas explore in these chapters are infidelity and domestic abuse. Socioeconomic Determinants of Family Formation are thus significant forces in the dissolution of these relationships during pregnancy or shortly after the birth of a child. These women choose single parenthood when their partners fail to deliver on their promises to be attentive and supportive fathers, illustrating The Challenges for and Resilience of Low-Income Mothers.
