Night Watch: A Novel

“I was laid out flat beside her when I woke, and the sky was full dark. Her head on my chest felt warm and hard as a rock in the sun. I wondered was she fevered but I was only cool from not moving, and calm in my mind. I would have such sleeps and wake up where I’d been, only time had slipped, a little time or more. Time I’d lost and could not know. It was empty there but full and floating, and wiped out every pain. Dearbhla said I gave myself what I needed, that I never had such ‘rests’ before Papa came.”

ConaLee’s “fits” are linked to Papa’s arrival, indicating that they are a response to the Trauma and Its Long-Term Effects that Papa inflicts on ConaLee. “Losing time” means fainting or blacking out, both of which could be used to avoid confronting a traumatic event directly. Dearbhla’s perspective, that ConaLee gives herself what she needs, further supports the idea that ConaLee is protecting herself through “fits.”

“He should have known but I told him. I’ll be thirteen at the end of December. Born after you went away. Born in ’61, the year both sides mustered troops. Tall for your age but right puny. Too skinny for a man to take on. I considered it. But you’ll stay with her. Here? This is home. There’s nothing back there. It’s all give away. It’s give away? Are you listening to me? Yes sir, I said, for he liked to be addressed such.”

The fact that Papa does not know how old ConaLee is serves as an early warning that Papa is not who he claims to be. His comment about ConaLee’s appearance obscures the later revelation that Papa has been sexually abusing ConaLee and her mother. His insistence on being called “Papa” or “sir” displays his desire for power and control over the mother and daughter.

“I wondered I could lie so well. A liar was evil. But all stories were lies and I knew so many. I knew what not to say to anyone come by our ridge. We were far away now. How would we ever get back? I pressed my fingernail hard into my palm to stop thinking of it.”

The blurred lines of morality come to the forefront of ConaLee’s mind as she lies out of necessity to secure a place in the asylum. She confronts her own need to lie with the comfort that all the stories she and her mother love are also fiction. Her use of pain to distract herself, though, indicates a broader trauma that is not yet revealed.