Momentous Events in the Life of a Cactus

“I tried with all my might not to care. Seriously, it was like the might of a hundred bodybuilders.”

Although Aven has come a long way from the first book in building her self-esteem, and declares she is confident starting high school, she still battles feelings of insecurity when she worries about people staring at her in the cafeteria. Aven, though she accepts and has adapted to her disability, is self-conscious about her armlessness and how people judge her by it.

“Klingon is not a romance language! [...] And neither is Elvish! French and Italian are the romance languages. I’ll never be able to put Klingon and Elvish on my résumé!”

Zion gets frustrated at his parents for speaking Klingon, a made-up language used in the fictional Star Trek universe. Bowling highlights the disconnect between the fictional world, and Zion’s practical desire for a true, “real world” language. This quote illustrates a role reversal, making Zion’s parents seem childish and Zion the down-to-earth adult.

“Well, a boy who can’t see nothin’ but that ain’t the right boy for you.”

Even before Joshua bullies Aven, she swears off having a crush in high school, because she believes that boys would not like her because of her armlessness. Josephine dismisses Aven’s concern, as does Henry, assuring her that boys will like her and giving her an early message not to care what others think, but to believe in her intrinsic worth: an important theme in the novel.

“I think he does care about you or he wouldn’t be trying so hard.”

Aven shows Connor her trademark quality of believing the best about people when she tells him to give his new relationship with his dad a chance. Connor’s growing attachment to his dad illustrates the theme of Finding Comfort in Found Family. Aven makes this comment before being bullied, after which she loses, then regains her trust in others.

“Being punk rock isn’t about how you look […] It’s about how you feel. It’s about what you believe. It’s about saying, ‘I’m good the way I am,’ and spitting in the face of the Man.”

Punk music and its message of defying social constructs inform the novel’s theme of Believing in Yourself. After Joshua bullies her, Aven focuses too much on the outside—what others think—rather than valuing and believing in herself. “The Man” becomes everything that brings Aven down and causes insecurity.

“Had some good friends. When you have hard times like that, it can make for some good friends. It’s the only thing that helps you get through it.”

Henry is an orphan like Aven, but growing up, did not have the loving family support that Aven does. Spending his life in orphanages, Henry was beaten and bullied, but the support of friends made the difference. Henry’s comment illustrates the novel’s theme of Finding Comfort in Found Family.

“I can’t do it! It’s too gross!”

Joshua’s cruel joke and hateful comment devastate Aven, destroying her sense of self-worth and trust. Joshua targets Aven because of her difference, playing on her trust, naivete, and desire to be liked. Joshua’s words are especially hurtful because they exclude and dehumanize Aven.

“Yeah, you totally should have trusted me. That’s what friends are for, right?”

Zion appreciates that Aven wanted to believe the best about Joshua but is hurt that she did not believe him. Aven’s belief in Joshua, rather than Zion, denies the pain of the bullying that Zion experienced. Zion believes that an important part of friendship is trusting that your friends have your best interest at heart and illustrates the novel’s theme of Finding Comfort in Found Family.

“We’re going to slay the sucktastic beast known as high school together.”

Aven realizes that in being so negatively self-absorbed, she has not been a supportive friend to Zion. He is hurt that she would consider homeschooling and abandon him—and essentially their friendship—leaving him to face high school alone. Here, Aven’s humorous metaphor assures Zion that she will stand by him.

“None of us are cool, Aven. But you know what? I’m okay with that. Aren’t you?”

Connor shows that he is comfortable with himself and who he is inside, even if he is not one of the cool kids. Aven, however, is bitter that she is “uncool” because she thinks her low social status allows others to treat her poorly. Aven reveals that she does yet believe in herself and is still giving her power away.

“Ditto, little girl.”

This quote reveals Josephine’s feisty, frank personality, and her love for Aven. Josephine points out the hypocrisy of Aven accusing Josephine of worrying that Milford—or anyone—would like her. Josephine suggests that Aven is like “the pot calling the kettle black” since Aven has the same insecurity.

“Why are you such a bad person?”

Without malice, Aven asks Joshua why he bullies other people. In confronting Joshua, Aven shows courage in starting a conversation with him. Her question could also have opened the door for Joshua to reflect on his bullying behavior, and possibly change it.

“Maybe it was because I knew what it felt like to wonder where you’d come from and why your parents had given you away. To wonder if they regretted doing so. To wonder if they’d ever loved you at all. To wonder if he even knew I existed.”

Aven’s questions about her birth father transfer to Henry. Aven worries that Henry will die without answers to similar questions that he must have. Aven empathizes with the older man’s lack of information about his family. While Aven has knowledge of her birth mother and grandmother, Henry has nothing. Aven sacrifices her curiosity to find answers for Henry, knowing he has less time left in the world, but Aven also realizes that her adoptive father is truly her family.

“Stupid feelings. I wish I didn’t have them.”

Aven’s painful, conflicted feelings about Lando are one of the 20 hard things about her life. Aven likes Lando, thinks herself unworthy, wants him around but pushes him away, and tries to not like him. Aven’s efforts to suppress her emotions reveal her low self-esteem and lack of trust, issues caused by Joshua’s bullying.

“Do I look like I care about what anyone else does or thinks, Aven?”

Aven internalizes the negative image of herself that Joshua created, and now fears having people judge her based on her appearance. Lando shows Aven through words and actions that what other people think does not matter: She needs to believe in herself.

“As insignificant as I tried to make my worries feel, they were still important to me. And today was the same. The difference, though, was that I was alone then. Today I was surrounded by people who cared about me.”

Aven no longer tries to minimize her feelings and problems. She understands how her loving, supportive family and friends have helped her regain her sense of self-worth.

“Don’t ever let anyone make you think you’re not good enough or smart enough or talented enough or brave enough. I let people make me feel that way. They hurt me. They wounded me. On the outside. On the inside. I carried that hurt with me my whole life.”

Henry shows the devastating long-term effects that bullying can have on one’s sense of self-worth. Henry experienced bullying and abuse in the orphanages when he was little. Henry allowed the bullying to diminish his sense of self, so that he felt his life was insignificant. Henry advises Aven to listen to the people who love and value her, and to value herself, illustrating the themes of Finding Comfort in Found Family and Believing in Yourself.

“Don’t try. Just believe.”

Henry urges Aven to commit to believing in herself, something Aven finds difficult to initially promise. Henry’s words inspire Aven to try the jump on Chili, and ultimately make Aven realize that she is strong and good and brave. Aven repeats Henry’s words to herself as she tries the jump on Chili for the horse show, and this time approaches the jump, and life, without fear.

“I guess I kind of lost my way. / But I’ll find it again. / And I’ll find it today.”

The lyrics of a song from Aven’s band, Kids from Alcatraz, reflect her journey of emotional growth over the course of the novel. Aven recognizes that she let Joshua control her thoughts and feelings about herself. Aven briefly lost herself but is determined to regain her power.

“But I was just realizing that the worst thing I feared had happened—I had jumped. I had fallen. I had hit my head. Even gotten knocked unconscious. But I had survived. Which meant I could survive anything.”

Aven’s fall from Chili shows her that she is strong enough for anything. The revelation allows Aven to tell her parents everything that has been happening, showing that she is taking control of her life. Aven’s new strength reflects her belief in herself.

“Let’s live like we mean it.”

The lyrics from one of Aven’s punk songs show that Aven has lost her fear of others’ opinions. This quote illustrates how the novel’s punk motif informs the theme of Believing in Yourself. Aven is truly punk on the inside, embracing life in the moment and not letting others’ opinions or expectations define her.

“Sometimes the friends you make aren’t the ones you expected. And sometimes the place you find yourself in isn’t the place you were hoping for. And sometimes, if you keep an open mind, you’ll find they’re so much better than what you imagined.”

Trilby proves to be an unexpected but valuable friend to Aven, helping her accept who she is on the inside, rather than focus on the outside. Aven shows that she once again trusts others, and is willing, and eager to experience new things.

“Family is about a lot more than blood. You should know that better than anyone, Aven.”

Henry helps Aven recognize how many people she has who care about her. Even though they may not be blood relations, in their love, support, and encouragement, they are the same as family.