Love and Other Words

Macy hasn’t seen Elliot since her birthday weekend. When she returns to the vacation home, he seems different, shaggier, and darker. While in their reading closet, he tells her that he had been to prom with his friend Emma. She asks if he “got lucky,” and he says he doesn’t even like Emma romantically. She asks if he kissed Emma and he blushes, which Macy takes to mean yes. When Elliot asks what is new with her, she says she had her first orgasm. She is 15 years old. He asks what she thought about. She asks him if he thinks about dragons anymore. He says he only thinks about girls and girl parts.

Macy wonders what her friends think of Sean versus Elliot. Sean must seem boring and distant. He’s only interested in Phoebe. He only inserts himself in conversations briefly, and then looks at his phone. She realizes she hasn’t spent much time with Sean in a social situation before.

Elliot catches Macy talking with her friends at the picnic. She blurts out that she arranged the whole picnic just so he could meet her friends. He seems surprised by this, and she notes that this is what Elliot does to her. He pulls the honesty out of her. He asks when they will hang out again, and she says she has free time at Thanksgiving. He asks if she wants to come with him to his brother Andreas’s wedding on New Year’s. She says this is a significant date and she’ll let him know. She has to ask Sean first.

During the summer, Macy spends most of her day with the Petropoulos kids. When Macy is outside at Elliot’s house, a girl drives up. Elliot goes down to meet her. Andreas shouts to Elliot “bring your girlfriend up here to meet your other girlfriend!” (66). Emma pretends not to know who Macy is. She says, “Elliot’s never mentioned you” (66).

After Emma leaves, Elliot asks Macy to come inside and get a snack. They talk about Emma, and Macy asks if Emma is Elliot’s girlfriend. He assures her she is not, but that they did kiss on prom night and the weekend after, and they had had their shirts off together. He also says he had his hands down the pants of someone named Jill, but none of it meant anything to him more than a momentary attraction.

Macy is upset. Elliot asks if she’s ever kissed anyone, and she says no. He says the reason he kissed Emma is that she is here, and who else is he supposed to kiss? Then, he tells Macy to kiss him. She does. He moves his hands above her ribcage, almost touching her chest, then she pulls away. He says, “Shit, Mace. That was too fast. I’m sorry” (69). She says, “Doing that might not mean anything to Emma, […] but it means everything to me” (69).

After the picnic, Sean, Phoebe, and Macy return home. Sean begins interacting with Phoebe as Macy starts dinner. She realizes she hasn’t spent a lot of downtime with Sean and Phoebe and wonders if she is really part of their lives. Sean asks if he can make a salad because he wants more than noodles and sauce for dinner, which is what Macy is making. Macy questions him about his interaction with the group at the park. Sean says that he likes her friends, but emphasizes they are her friends, not his. This prompts Macy to continue thinking about how distant she is from her new family. She wonders if she and Sean even care enough about each other to get into an argument, something they have never done. She remembers the night Sean proposed. He said, “Phoebe thinks we should get married” (71), and then he fell asleep.

Sabrina texts Macy to say she’s sorry if she was too intense in her opinions at the park and asks if they can get together. Macy thinks it will be for an intervention in which Sabrina tries to convince her not to marry Sean.

Later, in bed, Sean is trying to initiate sex with Macy, but she pushes him away to ask if he is excited about marrying her. He says yes, but that he has already been married and already knows the highs and lows of it. He surprises Macy by saying that she needs to figure out what she really wants. Macy doesn’t understand how Sean can be so calm about the potential of losing his fiancé. She leaves the bedroom to sleep on the couch. Sean asks if she is angry at him, and she says she is not angry but needs to take his advice and think about what she wants.

Elliot and Macy are reading in her room again. After she kissed him in the kitchen, she didn’t bring up the kiss again, but Elliot notes that she is acting strangely. Elliot asks what she thinks of him. Macy says he is her best friend, and then she says, “best everything.” She is afraid that if she and Elliot become more than friends, she might lose him.

Elliot asks what her favorite word is. She says “zipper.” He notes Macy keeps looking at his crotch and she says she doesn’t know how it works with guys when they, “you know.” Elliot is surprised by this. Macy says, “I don’t have sisters—I need someone to tell me about these things” (74).

Elliot asks Macy if she thinks about him when she is away. She asks him the same question. They both admit that they think about each other constantly. Macy asks Elliot if he has a girlfriend. He goes back to reading his book. She asks if he is upset. He says that he just admitted he thinks about her all the time, and she should know he doesn’t. He says that maybe he should be her boyfriend. They both agree, “Maybe.”

Macy tells Sabrina she has doubts about marrying Sean. Sabrina is excited to hear this. She tells Macy that in the 10 years she’s known her, she isn’t sure she’s ever seen Macy happy, not as happy as she was at the picnic when she smiled at Elliot. Macy says she’s happy with Sean, but Sabrina believes that Macy is only partly invested and otherwise guarded and distant. She asks if that is fair to Sean. While they talk, Elliot texts Macy to ask if she has asked Sean about New Year’s. He says she can consider it “research for the wedding you don’t feel like planning” (78).

Macy and Elliot are in the closet again. Macy notes this is the only place where she really feels comfortable. Elliot asks for her favorite word, and she says “excruciating.” He asks for updates, and she tells him that things are bad at school. Eleventh grade is the worst.

The story is that a boy named Ravesh asked her to a dance. Her friend Elyse is interested in Ravesh, so she turned him down. Ravesh spread a rumor that Macy told a mutual friend she wanted him to ask her just so she could reject him. Elliot says he could go to the dance with her. She asks why. He says that even though she refuses to believe it, he wants to be the main person in her life. He says his favorite word is “vex.”

Macy continues to wonder why she is with Sean and if she can live on her own again in the city. She makes a date to meet with her financial planner. The planner tells her she has just enough in her trust to cover taxes and home repairs, but she should sell one of her two houses.

When she sees Elliot, she has the urge to hug him but doesn’t. She asks Elliot if she bottles things up. He says she talks with him, but he gets the impression she doesn’t talk with others. She asks why she is even with Sean. She says they have the agreement of fucked-up people that they only give each other small parts of themselves. He asks if they are staying together just because of Phoebe. She says that Phoebe has Sean and doesn’t need her.

He asks her favorite word. She says for him to go first. He says “mellifluous.” She says, “limerence,” adding “there’s no other word like it: The state of being infatuated with another person” (82).

They go for a walk. She asks him if he is happy. He says he has been. He asks her the same question, and she says she hasn’t been. Seeing him has made her realize she hasn’t been. He makes her feel so many things. Elliot says that being with Sean is easy. He’s like her dad, and she’s like the woman who came after her mom. Sean doesn’t have as much to give, but she understands that. She doesn’t want to replace anyone. This makes Macy realize Elliot is the only person who really gets her. She asks, “Why are you so good to me?” He says, “Because I love you” (82). He hugs her and she cries like she hasn’t cried in 10 years.