Lily and Dunkin

Dunkin can’t sleep because he’s worried about basketball. His mom asks him whether he wants to talk about his dad. She’s concerned that she hasn’t seen him cry, but Dunkin assures her that he just hasn’t felt like crying. Internally, he reassures himself that his dad just needs a little time, like he has in the past, before he’s okay again. Dunkin’s mom suggests a therapist, but Dunkin dismisses the idea. He wonders why his mom wants him to be sad when “getting too sad is a bad thing” (112). 

Dunkin wakes before sunrise supercharged with energy. He feels better about his dad and thinks that soon he’ll join them in Florida. He also feels positive about basketball, figuring that his few hours of sleep helped his body figure out what it was supposed to do. Dunkin imagines he’s dunking in front of an adoring crowd and being carried out on the shoulders of his teammates. He does basketball moves in his room, and his mind races.

Dunkin heads outside to practice with these incredible new skills. He imagines Phineas, his best friend from New Jersey, cheering him on. Convinced that he will be awesome, Dunkin hurls the ball against the wall, but when it bounces back, it hits him square in the nose. Covered in blood and sweat, Dunkin feels defeated and devolves into an increasingly foul mood. As Dunkin lays on the ground in the blazing sun, he realizes that he is still a klutz and didn’t gain superstar basketball skills overnight, which reminds him he has to get out of practice. 

When Dunkin shows up at school with a busted nose and black eyes, he tells the guys he can’t practice because he’s supposed to take it easy for a couple of days. Disappointed, the guys say they understand and invite him to a pickup game on Saturday. Despite a distinct feeling of dread, Dunkin agrees to attend. Vasquez is excited to see Dunkin play, as he believes Dunkin will be their team’s secret weapon, but Dunkin knows that he’s awful. However, Dunkin has a few days to practice and it’s nice to be invited to something by a new friend. 

Lily knows she should spend as much time as she can with Bob, but the thought makes her sad. On her way out, she stops to talk with Sarah and her knitting club friends. They tell her about their upcoming projects, including one for which they’ll make scarves that will be wrapped around trees. When Sarah asks if she should make one for Bob, Lily is saddened by the realization that Bob “won’t be around to wear it” (119). Lily passes her dad engrossed in the newspaper. When Lily says goodbye, and her dad doesn’t respond, Lily longs for her dad to turn and look at her. 

Dunkin has been up all night trying to figure out how to avoid the pickup basketball game. Despite another practice session with Bubbie last night, Dunkin knows he isn’t any better. However, the guys have treated him like part of the group at school, and he doesn’t want to disappoint them. On the walk to school, Dunkin realizes he forgot water, but he also realizes he has forgotten to take his medicine the last two days and vows to be more careful. As he walks, Norbert’s head is fuzzy and he craves caffeine. He imagines Vasquez realizing how bad he is at basketball and the guys standing around him “in a circle of shame” (121). Dunkin decides to go to Dunkin’ Donuts instead. He figures Vasquez and the others “won’t even notice [he] didn’t show” (122). 

Sitting in Bob’s branches, Lily feels alone. She thinks of her dad ignoring her on the way out this morning, Dunkin ditching her for the Neanderthals, and Dare’s busy schedule. She questions why anyone would want to be her friend and recalls her eighth birthday party when only Dare showed up. She knows that if she could start the hormone blockers, she’d be more confident, and other people would like her more. As she eats Pop-Tarts to try to lessen the pain, she sees someone approaching who makes her sit up straight with hope.

Dunkin feels conflicted about the game. Part of him wants to go back, but the other part wants coffee. When he looks up for guidance, he sees Tim in the tree, and his stomach tightens. Dunkin dismisses Tim’s invitation to join him in the tree because he is afraid of heights, but he also cringes at the idea of someone seeing him in the tree with Tim. He heads to Dunkin’ Donuts with a pounding headache. 

Lily jumps out of the tree to catch up with Dunkin. She wonders if Dunkin is trying to get away from her, but once they’re in the store, he seems less annoyed. As they enjoy their doughnuts and talk, each of them relaxes. When the door opens, and the Neanderthals come in, Lily feels trapped and laments her decision to leave Bob. She questions whether what’s coming was worth it to get to know Dunkin a bit better. Lily figures it’s better that she “stay away from other people” (128), even if she’s infinitely lonely.  

Dunkin enjoys spending time with Tim and is glad he didn’t go to the game. When Vasquez and the guys come in, Dunkin feels guilty for not being with them. Then, Dunkin remembers that he’s sitting with Tim. Vasquez mocks Dunkin, making insensitive comments about Tim’s gender, and Dunkin wishes he hadn’t let Tim come with him. Dunkin feels like running away to avoid the punishment he believes Vasquez is going to impart, and Tim is clearly afraid. However, Vasquez tells Dunkin that if he does basketball tryouts, all will be forgiven. Dunkin is relieved, and when Vasquez prompts him to leave with them, Dunkin nearly leaps up to join them. It is obvious that Tim is hurt when he leaves the store abruptly. The other guys laugh, and Dunkin hates himself for laughing with them. 

Lily is upset about how things happened at Dunkin’ Donuts, but she recognizes it could’ve been worse. She doesn’t understand why Dunkin likes those guys, especially because she and Dunkin seem to get along so well.

Lily’s dad suggests that she cut her long hair. Lily thinks of Vasquez calling her “‘her’, which shouldn’t make [her] angry, because that’s how [she] defines [her]self” (132), but it sounded dirty when he said it. She thinks of Dunkin’s rejection and the mean laughter she heard as she left the store, and she agrees to a short cut, which pleases her dad. She knows that this is another effort to make her more masculine (like the sheets and clothes he pushes on Lily), but she also knows that nothing will change who she is inside. However, Lily admits that a haircut might change how people see and treat her, which is what she needs. She also wonders if she gets the haircut whether her dad will agree to the hormone blockers. Her mom and Sarah are disappointed, which Lily hates, but Lily figures it’s a small price to pay to fit in. 

While the barber cuts Lily’s hair, she feels like she’s losing part of herself, but she’ll do whatever it takes to get through the rest of middle school. With this haircut, she will look like a boy for those who expect her to be, including her dad. She figures her decision will be worth it when she gets back to school. Dare is disappointed, but Lily just wants to stop the Neanderthals and give her friendship with Dunkin a chance. She enters school hopeful, but Vasquez pushes her and says, “Nice haircut, fag” (136), and Lily is deflated. At lunch, Dare criticizes Lily for compromising and not working to make herself happy. She helps Lily realize that cutting her hair didn’t make anything better. The Neanderthals throw fruit at Lily and laugh, but Dunkin doesn’t. Lily wants to maintain eye contact and show she can take their bullying, but she bows her head, wishing she still had her hair to hide behind. 

Lily sits hidden in Bob and decides to write a letter to try to save him. On the way home, she sees more flamingos in yards, which make her chuckle; it feels like a good sign. At home, Lily shares Bob’s fate with her mom, and they reminisce about Lily and her Grandpop’s times there. Lily feels empowered and writes a letter to the city council enumerating the banyan tree’s benefits. She signs her name Lily. 

Lily doesn’t receive a letter from the city council and the sign on Bob hasn’t been removed. The Neanderthals have left her alone lately because they’re preoccupied with basketball tryouts. In Language Arts, the teacher discusses pronouns, and Lily thinks about how “‘she’ is the correct pronoun for [her]. But people keep incorrectly referring to [her] as ‘he’” (141). She looks forward to the day when other people refer to her correctly. 

Changing in the locker room before tryouts, Dunkin knows he probably won’t do so well. Dunkin thinks about all the ways he “might embarrass himself” (143) as he enters the gym.

Lily realizes that Dunkin doesn’t care about her, but she wants to watch him tryout and can’t help but feel like “there’s something about him that makes [her] want to keep reaching out” (144). However, Lily doesn’t want Vasquez or anyone else making fun of her, so she leaves. She’s planning to head to the library or to see Bob, which just makes her sad, when she has a fantastic idea. 

Lily slips into the utility closet and puts on the school’s alligator mascot costume. She’s excited and feels transformed in the silly costume. In the gym, the kids giggle when they see her, and she does some silly moves to make it seem like there’s some goofy jock inside the costume. Then, she heads over to the basketball side and is surprised by what she sees.

Dunkin is surprised that he does relatively well and says a silent thank you to Bubbie. Despite the effort it takes to not humiliate himself, Dunkin notices the mascot, and his goofy antics help Dunkin relax a little. Dunkin makes the team. He believes that his decision to cut back on his meds helped him get there. He didn’t mean to at first, because his mom expects him to be on top of his meds, but he has more energy and can practice more because he needs less sleep when he doesn’t take them. Doing well at basketball off meds convinces him to continue to forget to take his pills. When the guys start to chant the team’s name, Dunkin feels equal parts elated and terrified. He vows to do “whatever it takes” (149) to help the team. 

When Dunkin gets home, he exclaims that he made the team while jamming food in his mouth. His mother looks at him suspiciously as he paces the kitchen talking rapidly. Dunkin gets upset when his mom tells him to grab his meds for a visit to the psychiatrist and insists that he doesn’t need to go. He says he feels great, which he demonstrates with some exercises, but his mom pushes him to get moving.

In his room, Dunkin realizes that his pill bottles are almost full, meaning he has skipped a lot more doses than he meant to. He shakes some out and throws them away. He feels a bit guilty because they’re expensive, but he feels so much better without them, which his mom just wouldn’t understand. Dunkin waits impatiently in the car, tapping the window and bobbing his legs up and down. When his mom looks at him like he’s crazy, he seeks confirmation of his sanity from Phineas and wonders why he isn’t there. 

Dunkin is annoyed by the time they reach the doctor’s office. When Dunkin fantasizes about punching the doctor in the face, a voice tells Dunkin to stop, and he looks quickly to see who said it. When the doctor asks whether Dunkin has been taking his meds, he lies, and the doctor orders blood work to determine whether he has. Dunkin is even more annoyed when the doctor has him take that day’s dose in front of him. Dunkin knows that the meds will take away from his basketball prowess, and he wishes his dad were there to talk the doctor out of it. When the doctor asks how he feels “about what happened to [his] dad, [he] lie[s], then change[s] the subject” (155). Before they leave, the doctor reminds Dunkin to take his meds to avoid ending up in the hospital again.

At home, Dunkin goes to his room, preoccupied with the doctor’s comment about the hospital. He remembers when his good mood got out of control, resulting in his hospitalization. All of this also makes him think about his dad, which makes him sad. He’s angry at the doctor for his mood, as he was feeling so great before he took his medications. The meds make him feel so sluggish, and all Dunkin wants is to sleep. As he lays down, someone says goodnight, and Dunkin pops his head up, wondering who said that. 

After school, Lily finds a letter from the city in the mailbox. She thinks about changing into a dress to help her relax, but “something tells [her] not to. Something always tells [her] not to” (158). The letter contains an explanation from the mayor as to why Bob must be removed. Lily’s mom barges into her room to take her to an appointment. Lily doesn’t know where she’s going, and her dad seems less than thrilled to be going himself. On the way there, Lily’s mom drives fast, and her dad breathes heavily. Lily wants to know what’s going on but knows she’d better stay quiet. 

The psychologist asks to speak with Lily alone. When the doctor asks what she wants to be called, Lily is angry that she says Tim at first. However, when she tells the doctor she’s Lily, a huge weight is lifted, and she feels confident and strong. Regardless of people like Vasquez and the Neanderthals, Lily can be herself and feels safe in this office. 

When the doctor asks to speak about hormone blockers, Lily thinks of the recent signs of her impending puberty and how much they upset her. When the doctor asks Lily why she thinks her father doesn’t want her getting the hormone treatments, Lily responds that it’s because he doesn’t like who she really is. The doctor tells her that her father may not completely understand what is going on with her, and she wants to talk with him alone. 

Lily’s dad comes out of the office glassy-eyed and distracted, looking curiously at Lily. The doctor tells the family that only Lily will need to return in two weeks to see how things are going. Lily’s dad doesn’t react to the doctor calling her Lily, and dazed, he takes an envelope from the doctor. Lily leaves, feeling that she has gained “another person on [her] side [and her] whole world feels bigger” (165).

In the car, dad hands mom the doctor’s letter that gives permission for an endocrinologist to give Lily hormone blockers. Dad encourages mom to go to the endocrinologist’s office quickly before he changes his mind. The doctor squeezes them into the schedule and asks a lot of questions about Lily’s childhood. She prays the whole time that she can get the pills, which might almost help ease the pain of Bob’s impending destruction. After the blood test, Lily’s dad signs the permission slip for her pills, and Lily wonders what her psychologist said to him.