Lawn Boy

In severe pain from his bad tooth and lacking dental insurance, Mike asks Freddy to pull the tooth. Freddy cleans a pair of pliers with peroxide and uses them to yank out the tooth. He pulls out the wrong tooth and must repeat the procedure to remove the bad tooth.

Mike applies for a job at Subway. He recognizes the restaurant’s new manager, but he can’t immediately recall where he knows him from. The Subway manager tells him there are no job openings and suggests he try back next week. As Mike is leaving, the Subway manager calls out to him and says: “Oh, and kid. About your writing sample. […] Full of split infinitives. Dangling participles, not to mention vague pronoun references, passive forms, fragments, comma splices, you name it. Didn’t you take freshman comp?” (156). Mike recognizes the Subway manager as the former editor of the newspaper where he recently applied for a job.

On the way to take Nate to a doctor’s appointment, the police pull over Mike. Mike notices the cop eyeing Freddy in the passenger seat and thinks they were pulled over because Freddy is Black. When the cop asks Mike if he has any idea why he was pulled over, Mike replies: “Because [Freddy’s] black?” (160). This nearly gets him in trouble, but Freddy manages to diffuse the situation. The officer says he pulled Mike over because the muffler of his car is “nearly dragging.” Mike asks if “nearly dragging your muffler” is against the law (160).

Mike takes Nate to a doctor’s appointment because he has shortness of breath. They sit in a waiting room filled with a “miserable horde” of other low-income people suffering from various maladies. The doctor says Nate has a blood pressure problem and must make lifestyle changes. Mike feels guilty about allowing Nate to indulge in cheeseburgers and Oreos.

Mike runs into Andrew, the librarian, who asks him to sign a petition to ban oil drilling in the Arctic. He then encounters his former co-worker Tino, who tells Mike about how he misses his wife and young daughter in Mexico. Mike asks him why he doesn’t return to Mexico. Tino responds that he can’t afford to return and that his family depends on the money he makes in the US and sends to them. Despite his financial woes, Tino buys Mike drinks at a local bar.

Outside the Safeway, Mike notices that the face of Doug Goble, the local real estate tycoon, is emblazoned on the shopping carts. Mike drops his jar of change while reaching in it to give a donation to Marlin, the guitar player, outside the Safeway. While he and Marlin are picking up the change, Doug Goble himself joins them. He begins chatting up Mike and offers to buy him a cup of coffee. At Starbucks, Mike is convinced that Goble is flirting with him even though he only talks about his real estate empire and makes no mention of their sexual encounter in the fourth grade.

After giving Mike a ride home, Goble tells Mike to call him on Monday because he may have a job for him.

Goble hires Mike to do landscaping on the properties he is selling. At the end of the day, he compliments Mike on his work and says he wants to buy him a beer. At Harbor Pub, he buys Mike beer and hands him a $100 bill as a tip. Goble then explains that a key to his success is doing favors for people so that they owe him. However, he rarely calls in his favors. Instead, he will ask someone he has done a favor for to do a favor for someone else.

With his $100 tip in hand, Mike asks Remy out, and she suggests a pizza place. After they dine, she initiates kissing in the parking lot. After a long kiss, she asks him if he wants to go back to her place. Mike thinks about the “monkey” on his back, his insecurity regarding the prospect of having sex with a woman. He turns down the offer by telling her that he has a big day at work the next day. She is understanding and even tells him that it’s “kind of sweet” that he doesn’t want to rush things (194). She tells him that they don’t have to have sex, at least “not right away” (194).

Goble hires Mike to do lawn work at an exclusive country club that he has obtained the listing to sell. When Goble criticizes the jalopy car Mike is driving, Mike suggests that Goble pay him more so that he can afford something better. Goble offers to pay him $23 an hour, an increase of $3 an hour. Goble had at first offered $25 an hour, but Mike told him that was too much.

While admiring the “outrageously idyllic” landscape of the country club, Mike notices someone is watching him from the window of the house next door. Soon, a man of about sixty with perfect “thick-as-hell, powder-white hair” greets him and introduces himself as Jud Piggot (201). He invites Mike to drop by his place to look at his Cartiers (roses), which he says have a “tough of black spot” (202).

Piggot is impressed by Mike’s landscaping knowledge and his prescription for saving the roses. He offers Mike a job as his official groundskeeper. When Mike hesitates, he offers to pay Mike 30% more than Goble is paying him. He tells Mike he doesn’t have to make up his mind yet and invites him to a party at the clubhouse on Friday.

Mike agonizes over whether to take Piggot’s job offer, feeling guilty about quitting on Goble after he had given him a good opportunity. At the party, a bartender tells Mike that the people at the party are all related: “They inbreed so their money stays in the family” (210), the bartender says. He points out that they all look the same with “weak chins, thin lips, wide hips” (210). The bartender advises Mike to just be himself and not try to suck up to his wealthy hosts. The hosts like him because he’s “an exotic,” he explains.

Mike meets a party guest named Richie Freeman, whom he recognizes as one of the wealthy clan because of his weak chin and thin lips. Richie turns out to be Piggot’s son. Richie describes himself as “an unmitigated failure” (213), explaining that he “started on third base and still couldn’t score” (213). He tells Mike that Mike is a success because he’s already “exceeding anybody’s expectations” (213). When he hears Mike declining Piggot’s job offer, a drunk Richie advises him to “take the—hic—money” (214).

Mike tells Goble that he turned down Piggot’s offer. He is surprised when Goble responds: “Why the hell would you do that?” (215). Goble tells Mike that if he doesn’t take Piggot’s offer, he will fire him because he doesn’t want to continue paying Mike the $23 an hour he has been giving him. After Mike agrees to take Piggot’s offer, Goble reveals that he is responsible for Piggot offering him the job. He asks Mike to spy on Piggot while working for him because he wants to buy up property in the neighborhood. He tells Mike he can have the truck if he gets a listing as a result of Mike’s spying.

Mike tells Piggot he will accept his job offer. He is surprised and disappointed when Piggot responds: “Unfortunately, I’m afraid I can’t extend that offer at this point in the game” (220). Piggot then offers him $15 an hour instead of the 29 he had originally offered. He explains that after talking to Goble, he learned that Goble could no longer afford to pay Mike. Goble recommended Mike for the job but “suggested fifteen dollars would suffice” (221), Piggot says. When Mike calls the offer “bullshit” and counters with $16.50, Piggot lowers the offer to $14 an hour.

Mike is disgusted but agrees to start working on the property. Piggot shadows him and asks him about a Black football player whom Goble is planning to sell property to in the neighborhood. Piggot claims he has nothing against Black people but is concerned about the “legacy” of the neighborhood.

When Mike breaks for lunch, he finds Goble waiting for him in the cab of the truck. Goble asks Mike if he got any information from Piggot. He tells him: “[I]f we can spread fear, we can bust this neighborhood wide open” (226). Mike becomes fed up and decides to quit. Goble demands the truck back. Mike gets out of the truck and tells Goble that if he doesn’t pay him back his $500 deposit for the truck, he will tell everyone about their sexual encounter in the fourth grade. As he is leaving, Mike yells at a neighbor: “Your neighbor Doug Goble likes to suck dick! […] And he doesn’t want anyone to know about it!” (232)

At the library, Mike runs into Andrew, who asks him if he wants to “occupy Walmart,” meaning picket outside of the store. When he asks Andrew what they will be picketing, he replies: “Pff. Where to begin. No paid rest, no meal breaks. Inhuman wages. Sexual discrimination, urban encroachment, union busting. Don’t even get me started on sweatshops” (234).

Andrew, Mike, and a few other people picket outside Walmart. Andrew explains that none of the protesters are Walmart employees because they can’t afford to take off from work to protest. The picketers carry signs that read: “POVERTY WAGES! STOP THE WAR ON WORKERS” and “#1 IN EMPLOYEES NEEDING MEDICAID AND FOOD STAMPS” (239, 240).

Nick drops by the Walmart, sees Mike, and asks if Andrew is his “new boyfriend.” He says the picketers look like a bunch of Girl Scouts.

Mike describes the protest as a flop. Only one person took their flyer. A woman in sweatpants, who had been one of the protesters, “ducked into Walmart for a carton of smokes” before she left (243).