It's Not Summer Without You

Conrad Fisher is the elder Fisher brother and longtime crush of Belly Conklin. Conrad is a quiet and stoic character, one who struggles to express his true feelings, even if it costs him valuable relationships. Regardless of his lack of vulnerability, Conrad cares deeply about certain things in his life, primarily the preservation of the Cousins Beach house.

After losing his mother to cancer and learning of his father’s plans to sell the house, Conrad takes it upon himself, leaving summer school and risking failure, to go to Cousins to prevent this. This risk is an act of sacrifice on his part, though Belly and Jeremiah initially interpret his abrupt departure from school as a self-destructive act. Belly soon realizes: “[H]ere we’d just thought he was a screwup in need of saving. When in actuality, he was the one doing the saving” (162). Conrad often runs in the face of conflict or complicated emotional situations (prompting him to break up with Belly at prom, for example), but his willingness to put his future at risk to preserve his mother’s memory speaks to the depths of Conrad’s emotion, even if he struggles to outwardly express it. This struggle is markedly demonstrated in the scene the morning after Susannah’s death, when Jeremiah reaches out to Conrad to talk and Conrad sequesters himself in his room to cry—he is overcome with emotion but can’t bear the idea of sharing it.

Conrad’s inability to express his emotions causes problems in his relationship with Belly. Although he loves her, Conrad cannot express his feelings, either verbally or through his actions. There is only one moment during Conrad and Belly’s winter trip to Cousins Beach when he explicitly indicates his feelings. Before their physical relationship advances, Conrad stops to check that she feels comfortable and safe, telling her: “I just—want to always know that you’re okay. It’s important to me” (114). This is a rare moment of vulnerability from Conrad and illustrates that he does care deeply for her.

His consistent reluctance to express his feelings to Belly causes her pain. Even before they break up after prom, Belly feels like it is a mistake to bring him: “Even though he was standing right in front of me [...] he had never felt so far away” (82). Conrad’s fear of vulnerability causes him to lose Belly because she decides she can no longer wait for him to express his feelings. When he confronts her about wearing the infinity-symbol necklace, his unwillingness to confirm outright what it means shows Belly that she cannot wait for him anymore. Conrad allows his pride and fear to get in the way of his ability to be with Belly, someone he truly does love.

Jeremiah is the younger Fisher brother and the other perspective character in the text. In Jeremiah’s chapters, the reader gains insight into Jeremiah’s feelings for Belly as well as his resentment toward his older brother, Conrad.

Through Jeremiah’s chapters, the reader learns how much he had to shoulder the burden of his mother’s illness while his father was separated from Susannah and Conrad was away at school. His relief is evident when Laurel visits and tells Jeremiah to take the night off from caring for Susannah. Jeremiah recalls: “Laurel didn’t leave the next day. She stayed all week [...] I was just grateful to have an adult around” (242). The pressure he feels as Susannah’s primary caretaker causes resentment to build until he has an argument with Conrad when his brother excoriates their father’s absence during their mother’s illness. Jeremiah yells at him, “I don’t know, Con. Where were you?” (164). Although he immediately regrets saying this, the frustration and abandonment underlying the question holds.

Jeremiah’s growing feelings for Belly also fuel his resentment toward Conrad. Jeremiah, having always believed himself lacking compared to his brother (“My whole life I’ve looked up to Conrad. He’s always been smarter, faster—just better” [168]) knows that even though he loves Belly, she will never see him if Conrad is standing in the way. When Jeremiah asks Conrad about his feelings for Belly and Conrad claims he has none, Jeremiah seethes at the falsity that he believes makes Conrad undeserving: “He was full of shit. He liked her. He more than liked her. But he couldn’t admit it, wouldn’t man up. Conrad would never be that guy, the kind of guy Belly needed” (208). When Jeremiah finally does gather the courage to kiss Belly, his intent is to show her that, unlike Conrad, he will be someone she can depend on. His patience and reliability pay off, as Belly ultimately chooses to be with Jeremiah, someone she knows will show her the kind of affection she desires.