In the Dream House

This chapter explores the domestic politics and constant vigilance of the partner’s emotional state when the couple lives in the Dream House. Machado is continually modulating her own behavior to keep her partner happy and avoid verbal abuse. In trying to do so, Machado becomes unsure of the words she has used when talking to her partner, as her partner often misremembers things to have an excuse to criticize Machado.

This chapter title refers to the mythical River Lethe in the Ancient Greek underworld, which is said to have caused memory loss. Machado’s partner invites her to attend the traditional Harvard-Yale football game. They plan a road trip to Connecticut with Machado assuming most of the driving responsibilities, as her partner is reckless when driving. On the return trip through Pennsylvania, Machado’s partner calmly asks why Machado is not letting her drive: “Her voice is controlled, measured, like a dog whose tail has gone rigid” (87). She forces Machado to switch seats with her.

Machado’s partner drives the remainder of the way back to Bloomington. She is reckless and dozes behind the wheel. They reach the Dream House after four in the morning; there are coyotes on the front lawn. Machado points them out to her partner, who becomes spooked and begins yelling at Machado for scaring her. Machado’s partner goes into the house while Machado stays outside sitting against the side of the house, unable to bring herself to enter. She wants to remain outside where she is present in her body and won’t forget what her partner has done to her. Ultimately, though, her partner wakes the next morning in a perfectly cheerful mood, and Machado says nothing to challenge this.

Machado keeps the abusive nature of her relationship secret from others. She reflects on how the smallest things, such as taking out her wallet at a cash register or laughing with her friends, is emotionally “heightened” for keeping this secret.

Machado recounts how, years after the events in the Dream House, she briefly lived in a cottage in Washington State to begin writing In the Dream House. It was on an island off the coast and characterized by an abundance of fish, slugs, and snails. She picked up a snail by its shell one morning and accidentally dropped it. The shell cracked and a white foam leaked through, signaling the death of the snail. She was horrified by her mistake; she had come to the island to find a way to write about her suffering and felt guilty about causing suffering to another being.

There was also a time she went hiking with a friend near Mount Rainier when they heard a scream. They couldn’t decide whether the scream was of a woman in need of help or an animal.

Machado traces the cultural etymology of the word “gaslight” to George Cukor’s 1940 film Gaslight. In the film, the protagonist Paula is under psychological pressure from her husband to give up the location of antique jewels. The husband emotionally manipulates her and tries to make her doubt her own sense of reality by adjusting the luminosity of their mansion’s gaslight lamps. Paula’s husband “turns her mind into a prison” (93) of fear, uncertainty, and distrust. The character of the husband is portrayed as calm and logical. His motives are not especially dark, but he is willing to destabilize his wife’s mental health to get what he wants. 

This chapter continues to describe George Cukor’s methods as a director and his willingness to actually traumatize his leading actresses to evoke a more “real” performance from them. When shooting A Star Is Born, Cukor psychologically abused Judy Garland by criticizing her divorce and other insecurities to the point that Garland broke down when trying to film an emotional scene. The scene is “unnerving, devastating, wildly effective” (95) and seems to prove the efficacy of Cukor’s tactics. Once Cukor filmed the shot, he changed his behavior toward Garland to admiration and support.

When MGM remade Gaslight in 1944, the company bought the rights to the original and tried to destroy the film: “They didn’t just want to reimagine the film; they wanted to eliminate the evidence of the first, as though it had never existed at all” (97). The original survived, regardless, and is still viewable.

With a title referencing Machado’s praise for her partner’s love in Chapter 16, this chapter emphasizes the discrepancies between her partner’s words and actions. Though her partner says she loves Machado and wants a life with her, Machado often feels “like the most scrutinized person in the world” (98).

The narrative jumps forward to years after the events of the Dream House, when Machado is living in Philadelphia with her wife and attempting to write this memoir. The couple struggled against the cockroaches that infested their previous space. Overwhelmed by the sheer number of cockroaches, Machado eventually learned to kill them with her bare hands without feeling remorse.

The narrative jumps back to when, staying in the Dream House, Machado notices how her partner will buy an overabundance of green vegetables and lettuces to fill the fridge. Her partner is not able to eat all of the vegetables in time, and so they often rot. Machado once mentions that her partner should simply buy less, but her partner mocks her for speaking up.

Machado drives to Bloomington to spend Thanksgiving with her partner. She learns that her partner has invited her entire MFA cohort to dinner but has no plans for food. Machado goes to the grocery store and buys enough food for everyone with her own money. Her partner helps her prepare the Cornish hens she bought, yet she leaves Machado in the kitchen to serve and clean while she herself eats the dinner with her friends.

As her partner’s abuse intensifies, Machado notices her body’s physical response to the stress of the relationship. She often experiences nausea and stomach pains, has gained weight, suffers from back pain, and no longer enjoys sex. She acknowledges that her partner is the cause of this but is unable to break from her.

Machado describes an episode of the television show I Love Lucy in which the actor that plays the husband in the film Gaslight, Charles Boyer, guest stars. Lucy’s husband Ricky has Boyer pretend to be someone else as he is worried that Lucy will be too star-struck at meeting Boyer to behave well. Machado is unnerved by the episode and how it portrays the psychological abuse of gaslighting through camp and comedy.

The narrative returns to Machado in the Dream House. For her entire life, she has enjoyed singing, and she often does so while doing chores or other mundane tasks. It is so much a part of her daily life that she doesn’t realize how much she loves to sing until her partner tells her to stop. Machado actually responds to her, saying that her partner’s unwillingness to accept her singing implies that she is unwilling to accept Machado herself. Her partner pointedly does not disagree with the remark.

Machado drives from the Dream House to her home in Iowa City after a weekend with her partner. She is low on gas and gets lost trying to find a station when her GPS signal cuts out. She pulls over and begins screaming from frustration and pent-up emotions.

The narrative pauses while Machado draws on her history as a devoted Christian teenager and discusses the concept of the Rapture and its continued importance in her life. From the lessons of the Rapture—the idea that the apocalypse and divine judgment could come at any moment—she has developed an intention to face life, despite her fear of judgment, with a semblance of contentment.

The narrative returns to the Dream House, where Machado’s partner keeps things in a disorganized and messy state. Machado tells herself that even though the house has sparse furnishings, is not comfortable, and isn’t kept clean, they could theoretically raise children in it.

This chapter scrutinizes the naïve tendency to idealize lesbian relationships as blissfully untouched by abuse. Machado claims that “we are the same as straight folks in this regard: we’re in the muck like everyone else. All of this fantasy is an act of supreme optimism […]” (109). She hopes that one day, lesbians will be so normalized and so accepted that such empty idealism will fade.

One of Machado’s partner’s abusive techniques is to make Machado recite all her insecurities: “She makes you tell her what is wrong with you” (110). This chapter lists Machado’s various insecurities surrounding sex, academia, her appearance, and her ego. It will take years to break this habit of reciting what she dislikes about herself.

Throughout their conflict, Machado’s partner frequently tries to “win” or in some way be acknowledged for gaining power over Machado. This causes miscommunication, as Machado wonders why her partner cannot understand that love is not won or lost but built together.

This chapter consists of a single line: “Most types of abuse are completely legal” (112).

Machado’s partner goes to Colorado with her parents on a ski trip. She calls Machado from the hotel lodge and tries to initiate phone sex, then becomes enraged that Machado is not in the mood. Suddenly, Machado realizes that her partner may be breaking up with her, and she hangs up the phone. Her roommate and friend, John, consoles her. They turn off her cell phone as Machado is “sobbing in disbelief” (113). An hour later, her partner calls again and asserts that she was not breaking up. John watches in disappointment as Machado accepts the continuing relationship.

Part 2 of the memoir ends by framing the relationship’s events as a “word problem,” a mathematical exercise involving a verbal story instead of a direct setup with mathematical notation. One of the math problem’s questions is: “How many months will it take [Machado] to come to terms with the fact that she functionally did this to herself?” (115). The word problem also alludes to how she spent the majority of her MFA driving back and forth to Indiana to visit her abuser.