In the Dream House

Iowa’s MFA program rejects Machado’s partner’s application, but Indiana’s graduate program accepts her. Their plans of living together in Iowa City give way to her partner moving to Indiana with Val, who promises to move from New York. Machado’s partner proposes a polyamorous relationship, to which Machado agrees despite feeling hurt that her partner doesn’t want to be monogamous.

Machado accompanies her partner and Val to Bloomington, Indiana to look at houses to rent. During their search, Machado fantasizes about the future and being in a polyamorous relationship. She begins to consider it a possibility for happiness, and “the perfection and lushness of this arrangement” (40) replaces her reservations of having to share her partner. The houses inspire Machado to muse on representing architecture in writing, as indoor windows seem to signify that “the house had swallowed a second, tiny house” (40). Val returns to New York to finish packing for the move, and Machado drives herself and her partner back to Iowa.

Machado’s sex life with her partner is intoxicating to her, addictive and distracting: “You would let her swallow you whole, if she could” (42). Machado willingly allows her partner to engage in aggressive, dominating sexual acts as it fulfills Machado’s need to feel desirable and feel that her body is desirable.

While waiting for the academic year to begin, Machado and her partner begin working as standardized test-scorers in Iowa City. One day, while Machado is in the bathroom, she hears another woman sobbing in a stall. Machado invites the woman to talk outside. They spend several hours talking as the woman describes being raped years ago and has yet to convince anyone that it happened. Because Machado is invested in giving this woman her attention, she does not check her phone. When the workday ends and her partner leaves the building, she is furious with Machado for being outside with the woman for hours without telling her, and she makes a scene that worries Machado’s coworker friends. Machado drives them home as her partner argues with and criticizes her. When they pull up, the partner hisses into Machado’s ear that she is forbidden from writing about this. Machado is unsure whether “this” means the assault survivor’s story or the partner’s anger—but either way, it sounds like a threat, and Machado nods.

Though Machado has been with other women before this partner, she notes that this is the first time a woman has wanted her with “desire tinged with obsession” (45). She accepts her partner’s volatility as natural for a lesbian relationship as she doesn’t have a frame of reference.

Machado describes the relationship between villains in movies and queerness, noting how certain villains are not-so-subtle exploitations of degrading lesbian and gay stereotypes (she cites the presumably misandrist “power dykes” Lady Tremain and Maleficent, the “vain, effete” Scar and Jafar, and many others). She expresses her admiration for these characters even as she wishes that there was a more nuanced representation of her own sexuality. She argues that queer people should not have to be associated with representations of purity or goodness in order to be respected, nor should they need to be pure themselves before receiving respect; they deserve respect for the simple fact of their humanity. Machado further asserts that sexual orientation has no moral component whatsoever—it is simply a state of being, while people happen to politicize it.

In the July before Machado’s partner moves to Bloomington, Indiana, the couple embarks on a long-distance road trip along the East Coast. They plan to introduce each other to friends and family in various cities. As the couple navigates the partner’s anger and their mutual desire for each other, “[e]very step of the trip is sweet and sour” (49).

While visiting Machado’s friend Sam in Boston, Machado notices that Sam becomes cold toward her partner after she makes Machado cry.

Machado’s partner brings them to the Harvard campus where she completed her degree. Machado is overwhelmed by the legacy of the school and the power it bestows on its scholars. She believes that her partner “belongs there” while she herself does not.

While in New York City, the couple visits an exhibit showcasing preserved specimens and natural “ephemera.” Later that night with her partner, Machado confesses a fantasy she has in which they own a home with a library full of such objects.

Machado and her partner stay with Val in New York City. Both her partner and Val enjoy marijuana, and while Machado dislikes smoking, her partner coerces her into it. During a house party, Machado is high to the point of dissociation, and several guests become concerned, seeming unconvinced when she tells them that she is fine. Val keeps Machado company, soothingly supporting her until her high lessens.

Machado and her partner leave New York City for Allentown in upstate New York to meet Machado’s parents. They argue on the drive there because the partner smoked before they left and is now high, unable to help drive, and unprepared to meet Machado’s parents. Of the visit, Machado writes only that her parents were kind toward her partner.

In Washington DC, Machado brings her partner to a college friend’s wedding. She is paranoid that her friend Sam from Boston told their mutual friends that Machado’s partner is verbally abusive, as some seem cold toward her. The next day, the partner criticizes Machado’s friends, believing them to be jealous of their relationship. Machado’s college friend, the bride, notices Machado sitting in her car crying but does not approach her.

Machado and her partner arrive at the partner’s parent’s house in Florida, where they stay for several days. Machado wants to impress them and feel included. On the second day there, Machado and her partner get into a small argument, after which Machado sits in the kitchen with her partner’s mother. When the partner enters, she grips Machado’s arm forcefully: “It is the first time she is touching you in a way that is not filled with love, and you don’t know what to do” (57). Machado brings it up later when they are at the beach, and her partner apologizes. Later in their visit, Machado notices that her partner’s father seems to be on the verge of physically abusing the mother before she enters the room. Machado’s partner confesses that she worries she is too much like her father.

Machado discusses the myth of Bluebeard and how he kills a succession of wives when they do not obey all of his rules. Machado connects with Bluebeard’s newest wife, who so willingly sacrifices her needs and sense of self in order to give Bluebeard the kind of love he desires.