47 pages • 1 hour read
Laura NowlinIf Only I Had Told Her
Fiction | Novel | YA | Published in 2024A modern alternative to SparkNotes and CliffsNotes, SuperSummary offers high-quality Study Guides with detailed chapter summaries and analysis of major themes, characters, and more.
Part 2, Chapters 10-18Chapter Summaries & Analyses
Part 2: “Jack”
Part 2, Chapter 10 Summary
Alexis and Jack meet at a coffeehouse. Alexis is angry that he has not seen her in three weeks. Jack points out that they had broken up when Finn died, though they were still sleeping together. Alexis accuses him of leaving her alone with her grief. He realizes as she is speaking that she’s repeating things Sylvie has accused Alexis of. Jack calls her out for having a gathering with all her friends directly after Finn died rather than being with Sylvie and taking care of her. She makes excuses, but Finn tells her she is immature and leaves.
Part 2, Chapter 11 Summary
In an attempt to reassure his parents that he is okay, Jack goes to a party in St. Charles. When he arrives, everyone avoids him or whispers about him. They keep repeating that college will be a “fresh start.” He leaves the party, but the teammate who invited him, Kyle, catches up with him and apologizes for the guests’ strange behavior. Kyle says that seeing Jack probably reminds them of Finn and that they have realized that if a tragedy could happen to Finn, then it could happen to anyone.
Part 2, Chapter 12 Summary
Jack moves to college, acutely aware of the fact he was supposed to be sharing a dorm room with Finn. His parents drive there with him, each taking a turn riding in Jack’s car, and he is surprised by how much he enjoys spending time with them. As the last of seven sons, he did not get much individual time with his parents growing up. They move him in and surprise him with an ostentatious television that Finn’s father planned to give Finn as a present. Jack feels ambivalent about this because Finn’s father was so absent from his life, sending expensive presents instead of spending time with him. Jack goes to dinner with his parents, and when he returns he meets his new roommate, Brett.
Part 2, Chapter 13 Summary
Jack participates in freshmen week, imagining Finn is there. He considers how Autumn’s presence at college would have influenced Finn and how Finn would have tried to include her in everything they did. Jack imagines that this would have led to a fight. He enjoys thinking about this version of his life rather than just missing Finn.
Part 2, Chapter 14 Summary
A week into classes, Jack wants to find a running route. He does not want to be the sort of jock who goes to college and loses his fitness. He knows he needs to stop torturing himself about Finn, but part of him does not want to: “[W]hat will I have left of Finn when the hurt is gone?” (250). While he is running, he gets a severe side stitch but keeps breathing through the pain. As he does this, he realizes that he has to let himself accept Finn’s death instead of pretending that Finn is still there.
Part 2, Chapter 15 Summary
Jack devotes himself to his classes and is extremely studious. He has not gotten to know his roommate; he is bothered that Brett does not seem to want to get to know him, and he makes negative assumptions about Brett. He notices that Brett goes to as many events around campus as possible, whereas Jack socializes very little. Jack’s parents are so worried about him that they urge him to focus less on academics. One day when Jack returns to his dorm room after a class, he finds Brett crying. Jack asks him if he wants to talk, and Brett shares that his identical twin, Todd, died when he was 14. They talk about Todd and then about Finn. Jack is afraid he will forget Finn, but Brett reassures him that this isn’t possible. This interaction changes their relationship, and they become friendly.
Part 2, Chapter 16 Summary
Jack returns home and notices that Angelina’s grass has not been mowed, which is something that Finn used to do. Jack decides to do it for her. While he is mowing, Autumn leaves a glass of water on the porch for him. However, when he speaks to her, she gets upset; she was pretending that it is Finn who is mowing the grass, and Jack ruins her fantasy by speaking. Jack is extremely unnerved by the interaction and by how much Autumn is struggling, but he returns to campus the next day.
Part 2, Chapter 17 Summary
Part 2, Chapter 18 Summary
Jack goes to visit Autumn in the hospital, and he brings the sack of candy that Finn bought for her. After some awkwardness, Autumn shares that she is pregnant. Jack asks if Finn is the father, and Autumn assures Jack that Finn is. Autumn tells Jack that she needs him around to tell stories about Finn to the baby; she also wants Jack to send her every photograph that he has of Finn. Jack tells Autumn that Sylvie wants her to get better, and Autumn seems skeptical. Jack gets angry with Autumn, and he reminds her that if she dies then a part of Finn dies with her. When they hug as he’s leaving, it feels like he is hugging Finn.
Part 2, Chapters 10-18 Analysis
In this section, Jack realizes how wrong he has been about several characters, including Autumn, Alexis, and Brett. His first personal reckoning occurs when he meets his ex-girlfriend, Alexis, for coffee. She has not checked in on him since he lost Finn, and instead of being apologetic, she blames him. Her callousness and indifference to both his and Sylvie’s grief help him see who she is at her core, which takes away her power over him. This illustrates how Loss of Identity Leads to Growth: Jack’s grief strips away what he used to think was important, and he sees people and his own life more clearly.
Jack’s misjudgment of Brett stems from his unresolved grief about Finn’s death, which prevents him from forming new attachments at college. Instead, Jack imagines a parallel universe where Finn did not die, going through many imagined conversations and scenarios; he is more connected with Finn’s ghost than with his roommate or any other person on campus. Even after his long run helps him realize that he needs to let Finn go, his misconceptions about Brett linger. For instance, he believes that Brett keeps a photo of himself out of arrogance, only later realizing that the photo depicts his twin, Todd. In one sense, Brett is Jack’s antithesis because Brett copes with his grief by going to every event he can find. Underneath, however, the two are similarly struggling to redefine themselves and their lives in the wake of significant loss. This allows the two young men to form a friendship, which is different from Jack’s friendship with Finn but still valuable, underscoring that Jack’s life will go on.
Jack’s misunderstanding of Autumn has the most serious consequences. The unsettling interaction Jack has with Autumn while mowing Angelina’s lawn foreshadows Autumn’s attempt to die by suicide by establishing that she is experiencing mental health issues. While Jack has moved beyond imagining Finn is still alive and begun to heal from the trauma of Finn’s death, Autumn seems frozen in her grief, indulging in a much more obtrusive daydream about Finn than Jack ever did. Jack therefore feels he has failed Autumn when he learns of her suicide attempt; in blaming her for Finn’s death, he missed signs of how much she was struggling.
When Jack finally gives Autumn the sack of candy that Finn bought for her the night he died, it is the first step in mending their friendship: a symbolic acceptance of what Autumn meant to Finn, which previously inspired only resentment in Jack. In a show of trust, Autumn shares that she’s pregnant and asks Jack for any photographs that he can find of Finn, attempting to involve him in this aspect of Finn’s legacy. Though Jack still expresses anger about potentially losing another piece of Finn to her attempt to die by suicide, his character growth is evident; Jack has accepted Finn’s death enough to see the ways his memory lives on. Jack fully makes peace with Finn’s loss when he hugs Autumn and reflects that it makes him feel closer to Finn, emphasizing how lost loved ones survive in those closest to them. This in turn underscores The Transformative Power of Understanding and Forgiveness, as cutting oneself off from others in the wake of a loved one’s death means losing this connection to the deceased.
