33 pages • 1 hour read
Alice OsemanA modern alternative to SparkNotes and CliffsNotes, SuperSummary offers high-quality Study Guides with detailed chapter summaries and analysis of major themes, characters, and more.
Overcoming internalized anti-gay bias is a complicated process that is undertaken on both an individual and social level. Nick goes through this experience as he falls in love with Charlie and realizes he is bisexual, and he struggles with the reality of having others know this fact about him. Nick sends Charlie mixed signals for the first several weeks of their relationship, but he is willing to be open with Charlie about his confusion and is constantly apologetic for being hard to read. Nick will want to be close with Charlie, but as soon as he senses someone noticing, he pulls away: “I guess people knowing about us still makes me panic” (188). While this does hurt Charlie, Charlie is willing to put his own emotions aside for the sake of allowing Nick the time he needs.
Nick explains, “I thought… I just really liked you as a friend … but I kept wanting to… I don’t know… hug you and hold your hand” (53). Having never had these feelings about a boy before, Nick doesn’t recognize them. Nick’s internalized anti-gay bias is not a hatred of gay people, but rather a feeling of shame associated with being gay. He has grown up around typical straight boys who look down on LGBTQ+ people, so he has internalized the prejudice that they exhibit. Charlie knows that one’s journey of self-discovery and figuring out one’s sexuality is not a simple, obstacle-free road, and he understands that this experience is different for everyone. Nick feels safe with Charlie, and seeing how confident and accepting Charlie is helps Nick treat himself with compassion and respect. Seeing Charlie’s friend group and how they contrast with his own also helps Nick see that he doesn’t need to live that stereotypical life if he doesn’t want to.
When Nick starts coming out to people like Tara and later his mother, it signifies a change in his confidence and is a sign that he has begun to settle on an identity as a bisexual person. Nick took his time in figuring out how he felt, what he wanted, and what this all meant for him. He talked things out with Charlie when he needed support and stood up to the people who made him feel like he couldn’t be himself. Nick overcomes the stigma that became a part of his own perspective and moves forward into the next phase of his life with confidence and self-acceptance.
Nick and Charlie’s relationship is one of firsts. This newness coupled with the effortless and deep connection that they have offer tension, intrigue, and drama to their love story. Charlie and Nick began as friends, but they quickly developed feelings for one another. Neither one of them told the other how they felt, and Nick was far less clear on his feelings than Charlie, having never experienced feelings for a boy before. Months went by, and the boys got closer and closer, until Charlie asked Nick for a kiss one night. While Nick agreed, he quickly shied away, indicating that he still did not understand what he was feeling. Like many new, major life experiences, Nick and Charlie’s relationship begins brings dramatic conflict, but its positivity also brings a period of joy, discovery, and mutual support.
During the rain scene in the story’s introduction, Nick and Charlie experience a romantic trope that define their narrative as a love story. Someone confessing their feelings to a love interest in the rain is a familiar beat in romance plots, and Oseman uses this to signal their dynamic’s rising intensity. The fact that Nick’s feelings are so overwhelming and unfamiliar to him that he must express them represents how love can inspire people to behave in new ways, particularly during a first love when a person is unsure how to process their emotions. This moment marks the beginning of a secret relationship that they eventually share with those closest to them. During the phase of secrecy, Nick and Charlie are always looking at each other longingly, sending flirtatious texts, and giving each other subtle touches at school and elsewhere. While Nick worries that he is putting too much pressure on Charlie by asking him to keep the relationship a secret, Charlie assures Nick that he is willing to wait and understands what Nick is going through. Charlie and Nick get closer and closer, developing stronger feelings and spending more time together. Not only does their new, intense relationship mean their “secret” actions are obvious to many people around them, but it also means that Charlie is willing to accept being hidden as a boyfriend until Nick is ready.
The ultimate impact of first love for the characters is how it motivates them to better themselves or their circumstances. It promotes self-discovery, courage, and change, and Charlie and Nick’s relationship has a positive influence on each of their lives. For Charlie, it is his first real relationship and his first experience of being loved for who he is in a romantic way. After being bullied and having to rebuild his social life, Charlie is optimistic and filled with endless affection for Nick. For Nick, Charlie is a pillar of support and a strong role model for what it means to just be yourself. Nick admires this about Charlie and strives to be like him in this way. In the end, being with Charlie inspires Nick to not only stand up to his friends, but to come out to his mother, the most important person in his life.
Self-esteem is something that develops through the formation of identity, social support, and the long, challenging process of coming of age. Peer influence on self-esteem can have ranging effects, from highly positive to detrimental and destructive. In Nick’s life, he is surrounded by a mixture of positive and negative influences and must find the strength to stand up for himself, what he believes, and the people he cares about. Charlie already went through the experience of being bullied for who he is, and he acts as a pillar of strength, compassion, and support for Nick, demonstrating the understanding and acceptance that Nick so desperately wants to exhibit himself.
Nick grew up surrounded by rugby players and boys occupying “jock” stereotypes who have a narrow view of sexuality and what it means to be a man. He always assumed he was straight, and his friends often pressured him to talk to girls. While Nick does like girls, he also realizes he likes boys through Charlie, and his friends respond to this by acting awkward, distant, and eventually even bullying him and Charlie directly. Nick is just discovering who he is and needs to have a firmer grasp of self before he can find the courage to stand up to the people whom he once considered his friends.
Charlie acts as the healthy side of peer influence in Nick’s life. Charlie never pushes Nick, instead influencing him by simply being himself and acting with compassion, respect, and warmth. Charlie’s friend group is diverse and includes two other people who identify as LGBTQ+, while Nick’s friends all identify as straight and look down on people like Charlie. Charlie shows Nick a different side of life, an alternative way of being, and a new outlook on what it means to be yourself. When Nick comes out to Tara, she responds, “Don’t feel like you need to come out to anyone until you feel ready. Rumors spread so fast around our schools… That can be really hard to deal with if you barely know who you are” (171). As both she and Charlie know, teenagers tend to judge one another due to their inexperience with life and single out those who are deemed different from the rest. Eventually, after much self-reflection and having his patience tested, Nick summons the courage to stand up for himself against Harry, the primary bully in Nick’s life. In doing so, he makes a statement about being unwilling to allow intolerance or allow himself or Charlie to be the brunt of that type of disrespect again.
By Alice Oseman