Falling Over Sideways

When the ambulance reaches the hospital, Claire receives a text from Matthew but ignores it. She’s overwhelmed by all the commotion, and is equally annoyed when a group of doctors surfaces and begins asking her father the same questions Bil did back at their home. She notes that when the doctor shines a light into her father’s eyes, “Dad sounded like a wounded animal” (57). She wants to defend her dad and speed up the process, but she feels helpless. When her father’s blood pressure starts dropping, things really kick into gear and an attendant leads Claire to the waiting room. Scared, Claire tries calling Matthew back but receives no answer. Bil and Kathy return with hot chocolate, which helps. Her mother and Matthew suddenly burst into the waiting room, and her mother begins asking question after question. Bil’s radio goes off, so he and Kathy rush out, while Claire tells her mother everything in a mumbling rush of speech.

Claire’s mother comforts her, a reaction that bothers Claire. When Claire mentions the possible stroke, her mother says that they can’t be sure her father is having a stroke or in any danger, which infuriates Claire even more. “My mom never believed anything bad was happening until she had conclusive proof, and sometimes not even then” (63). Though her mother’s casual stance annoys Claire, she realizes that Matthew, who is usually calm and collected, is just as frightened as she is. Moreover, Matthew hates germs, so sitting in a hospital not knowing what’s happening to his father must be torture.

When the stroke team doctor, Dr. Venkersammy, appears, he finally explains to Mrs. Goldsmith that her husband suffered a stroke. He needs medication to dissolve the clot that caused it. As the doctor leaves, Claire’s mother reiterates what he just said, proving Claire right. Claire, however, wishes she were wrong.

Claire describes several patients in the waiting room, including a young man whose thumb bleeds severely. He removes the gauze to look at it every now and then, and “a geyser of blood would go pumping straight up into the air, like an oil well in a cartoon” (69). Kathy and Bil arrive with someone on a gurney, and Claire hears the doctors yell “Stat!” as they rush by in a movie-like scenario. Matthew jokes about it, putting Claire in a better mood. Their grandparents arrive and bring them lunch from the hospital cafeteria, causing Claire to remember that she hasn’t eaten anything since breakfast with her father. Dr. Venkersammy returns to tell them that they’re moving Claire’s dad to the intensive care unit, but that they can all visit before the move.

As the family follows the doctor, Claire can’t help but think about how she yelled at her father before his stroke, and how she obsessed about dancing when her father is fighting for his life. Upon seeing him, she notes that he looks more like a struggling old man than her father, and admits that “Nobody’s the right age today” (72) as her family struggles with how to deal with the situation. Though her mother encourages to her to speak, Claire can’t say anything despite feeling like her father wants her to say something. The family leaves, and eats in the waiting room. Matthew believes that their father doesn’t want anyone seeing him in pain, and Claire agrees. When the doctor returns, he has both good and bad news.

Despite wanting to remain with her father, Claire must return to school on Monday. Her mother’s theory is that Claire and Matthew should occupy themselves instead of feeling sad in the hospital. “If there were a nuclear holocaust, my mom would send me to school the next day” (77). Claire hasn’t told anyone about her father’s ordeal, and she tries not to cry as she considers that despite the doctors dissolving the blood clot, her father must still deal with a list of potentially fatal outcomes, including pneumonia, a heart attack, and ulcers.

Rattled by having to be at school, Claire tries to relax, but Ryder harasses her about their band performance. Then Roshni asks Claire why she has been ignoring her all weekend. Regina interrupts Roshni and loudly says that she feels sorry for Claire’s dad, who she heard is in the hospital after having a stroke. Roshni immediately consoles Claire, while Ryder just stares, “looking like someone had just smacked him” (80). In class, Claire recalls the good and bad news regarding her father’s condition: The good news is that the stroke affected a small portion of the brain, but the bad news is that the small portion is responsible for communication. This news is particularly bad for her father, a novelist, for whom being unable to communicate would drastically change everything. Moreover, he will need physical therapy to eat, walk, and talk again.

The news of what happened to Claire’s father spreads around school, and kids give her their condolences throughout the day. Even Regina and Ryder leave Claire alone at lunch. While trying not to cry all day, Claire recalls several fun times with her father. One was when he made up a funny song after Claire’s mother abbreviated butternut squash as “butt squash,” and another was when he made a song called “The Wiping Cloth” to the tune of “America” from West Side Story. Mrs. Selinsky reprimands Claire about daydreaming in her class.

Later, Ryder apologizes for being mean to her, but his apology angers Claire. She accuses him of only being nice because of her father, then leaves. Grandpa picks her up and they head to the hospital. Though her father now has his breathing tube out, Claire almost wishes it was still in because then they wouldn’t have to worry about him suddenly not breathing. Claire’s Gram—her dad’s mother—arrives and refers to her son as “buddy,” which is an endearing term that he often used with Claire. Though she usually shows little emotion, Gram cries outside the room, supported by Matthew. When she recovers, Gram tells Claire that Claire is a lifesaver, and that she should never forget it. Though ecstatic, Claire can’t help thinking about the hurt look on Ryder’s face when she rejected his apology.

The Goldsmiths have an intense and trying week. Claire’s father eventually becomes more alert and begins physical therapy. Well-wishers inundate the family with gifts, balloons, and cards. Claire doesn’t focus on school much, aside from dance class. Her grandparents shuttle her and Matthew everywhere, and the kids stay at their grandparents’ house because Claire’s mother sleeps at the hospital. Claire feels selfish for wanting her mother to tuck her in.

On Thursday, Claire goes to her band performance despite not having practiced at all. She still thinks about how she reacted to Ryder, yet suspects Ryder and Regina are planning something evil despite being so nice to her. Though Claire attempts to audition, she can’t get into the rhythm. Mrs. Jones offers to reschedule, but Claire doesn’t want to. Instead, Mrs. Jones has her play scales and some other pieces, and tells Claire afterwards that she would have made fifth chair if it had been a real audition. Surprisingly, Claire accepts the demotion: “this way, I can just concentrate on being with my dad” (95), she admits, though she also knows that Ryder won’t let her hear the end of it.  

That night, Claire takes private lessons with Miss Laura at dance school. Though Miss Laura is the strictest teacher, Claire queries her anyway about the possibility of moving up. Miss Laura quickly dispels Claire’s aspirations, though Claire welcomes the no-nonsense approach given how artificially nice everyone else is being.

One day, Claire’s mother and Gram leave her alone with her father. Though scared, Claire begins telling him everything going on. When she asks him if he even knows who she is, he finally answers, “Piggy? Piggy! Piggy!” (98) delighting Claire. When younger, they used to play a game where they’d pretend she was a pig in a blanket. Elated, Claire sets about getting him to remember other people once her mother and Gram return. For his wife, instead of saying her name, Nicole, he says “Bug.” Claire’s mother tearfully relates that his nickname for her when they began dating was “Herbie Love Bug.” For Gram, he says, “Hat!” which was his very first word. Though he finally falls asleep, when Matthew bursts in and relates that he won his soccer game, their father wakes up and immediately says, “Matthew.”