Every Last Word

Samantha arrives at the pool a little after eight o’clock to swim laps. She observes that the pool is less crowded than usual. Samantha brings her blue notebook with her, thinking that she has never tried writing at the pool: “My poems come to me as I’m swimming, and I put them on paper when I get home, but they never sound quite as good as they did in my head. This way, I won’t lose my groove” (202). When the only other swimmer aside from Samantha departs, she takes the opportunity to compose a poem right there at the poolside. She finishes and thinks that the poem is "pretty good" (202).

Samantha heads to the locker when she receives a text from an unknown number that reads: “you were really good today” (202). When she asks who it is, she learns that it is AJ. It is two weeks since she went to his place for the guitar lesson. They have a brief exchange about how he liked her poem that day, and how she is currently at her favorite spot to compose poetry. Samantha is unsure if they are flirting, but she hopes so. She is still very drawn to him but attempts to play it cool. When AJ asks where her favorite writing spot is, she responds via text: “want me to tell you or show you?” (206). AJ says he wants her to show him, so they plan to meet the next night at eight, at which point Samantha will take him to the pool.

The next morning, Samantha rushes to school so that she can arrive early to tell Caroline all about her “non-date” (210) that night with AJ. As she is leaving, she receives an all-capital letter text message from Kaitlyn saying that she hates Hailey. Simultaneously, she receives another text from Hailey saying that Kaitlyn is going to kill her. Hailey’s text includes a link to a Facebook picture that she posted earlier that day of the Crazy Eights when they were kids, just before the beginning of third grade. In the photo, it is summer, and everyone is wearing swimsuits—except for Kaitlyn, who is only wearing swimsuit bottoms and nothing on her top. The photo already has thirty likes.

When Samantha arrives at school, Kaitlyn is already pitching a fit at Hailey’s locker. The two girls argue, Hailey defending herself by saying that she did not think the picture would offend Kaitlyn since they were just kids. To everyone’s surprise, as Kaitlyn is yelling at Hailey for being so foolish, Samantha steps in and defends Hailey, taking her by the hand and dragging her away from the fight.

In the bathroom, Hailey wipes her face with a wet paper towel and tries to collect herself. Samantha assures her that, in a few days, Kaitlyn will get over this incident. Hailey then asks if Samantha will be at lunch, bemoaning the fact that Samantha has missed so many of them lately. It is a Wednesday, so Samantha assures Hailey that she will be there, knowing to herself that if it were Monday or Thursday she would definitely skip lunch for Poet’s Corner. With class soon about to begin, Samantha hopes to bump into Caroline at her locker beforehand, but Caroline never shows up. 

The night of Samantha’s date with AJ arrives and she meets him at the North Valley Swim and Tennis Club, her pool. She is feeling confident as she removes her swim bag from the trunk of her car, and she and AJ make their way into the swimming facility.

Samantha and AJ jump into the pool. AJ, it turns out, has not had formal swimming lessons and does a “weird-looking hybrid stroke” (216). Samantha tells AJ more about her process of writing poetry in the pool: “I used to recite song lyrics while I swam, but ever since that first time in Poet’s Corner, I’ve been writing poetry while I swim laps instead” (216). Samantha swims away from him, taking the opportunity to show off her well-practiced butterfly stroke. When she returns to AJ, he is impressed: “When he’s close enough, he brings his hands to my shoulders and fixes his eyes on me. ‘Sam McAllister! What was that? And these shoulders!’” (217). He asks if Samantha has just composed anything in her head while she swam and, sensing that she indeed has, he encourages her to recite the poem for him. Blurting everything all at once, she tells him: “‘I didn’t go there looking for you. I went looking for me.’ My voice is soft, low, and shaky. ‘But now, here you are, and somehow, in finding you, I think I’ve found myself’” (219).

As soon as she finishes, AJ begins kissing her:

Before I can open my eyes, I feel him rest his forehead against mine, and his hands slide around my back as he brushes his lips lightly against mine, kissing me like I just said the right thing, not the wrong thing. And this kiss...God, this kiss is soft and warm and perfect, and I part my lips as my fingers find the back of his neck (219).

AJ admits that he has wanted to kiss her for weeks, but rather than being elated by this information, Samantha begins to experience doubt:

This is a mistake. He doesn’t like me; he likes the person Caroline turned me into. He thinks I’m a normal girl who swims and write poetry, but I’m not. I’m obsessed with my thoughts and I can’t sleep and I count in threes. He writes music and wears his heart on his sleeve, and I don’t deserve him (220).

Samantha confesses that she “likes him too much” (220),and he says he feels the same as they kiss again. 

Despite being in a public pool, once Samantha and AJ begin making out, they can’t seem to stop. They are the only ones in the pool. Samantha is having a good time overall, but some intrusive thoughts about Devon enter the picture: “I try not to think about how much practice he had with Devon. I try not to think about the girls he kissed before Devon, or the ones before that” (222). They continue to make out in and around the pool: “I don’t want it to end. It feels so amazing to let go and lose myself this way” (222). After a while longer, they each head to the locker room to rinse off and change clothes.

Back in Samantha’s car, AJ asks her when she began compiling the playlist called “Song for You.” The truth is, Samantha began that playlist with AJ in mind, but she is unsure she wants to admit something so personal. Thinking of Caroline’s advice to let her guard down, Samantha decides to tell him. At which point, AJ tells her that he wrote a song for her as soon as Samantha left his house that day. 

They continue kissing with intermittent conversation. Samantha’s anxiety spikes when she thinks about tomorrow: What will she tell people? Samantha and AJ agree that they should keep their relationship to themselves for the time being. Samantha drops AJ off at his house and plays “Bron-Yr-Aur,” one of AJ’s favorite Led Zeppelin songs, on repeat the entire way home. 

Samantha is still swooning over her night with AJ at the pool the next day when she arrives at school: “No one has ever touched me like that before...and I have no idea how I’m going to get through this day. And he likes me. Too much. How am I supposed to keep him a secret?” (228). However, the swooning does not last for long when she reaches her locker and sees the Crazy Eights surrounding the area, all looking irritated and upset. Samantha knows that she is in trouble.

Alexis immediately launches into it, saying that they need to talk to her, and demands to know where Samantha has been. Alexis continues: “‘Don’t say anything until I’m done, please. You’ve been lying to us. We just want to know why, because we’—she waves her hands around, indicating the rest of the group—‘are your best friends. At least we thought we were’” (229). Kaitlyn continues, saying that they know that Samantha has not been swimming over her lunch breaks these past few months. Samantha rebuts by asking if they have been spying on her, to which they say "no," but Samantha refuses that. Over Olivia’s shoulder, Samantha sees Caroline looking worried, and Samantha knows that it is because she does not want Samantha to expose Poet’s Corner. Samantha gives her a knowing look, assuring her that she will not. When Alexis gives Samantha the “chance to come clean,” Samantha’s response is not what the Crazy Eights expect: “‘It’s personal[...]It means it’s none of your business, Alexis.’ My voice is clear, my words direct, and my hands are already shaking less. Their eyes say everything they’re feeling: confused, shocked, humbled, hurt” (231). The Crazy Eights are taken aback, but when Samantha asks if it is still okay that she sit with them during lunch, they say it is fine. After Samantha leaves the Crazy Eights, she finds Caroline and tells her about her night with AJ. 

At the next Poet’s Corner meeting, Samantha realizes that she does not have anything to read aloud because ever since she and AJ began dating, all her writing is about him. For the past two weeks, they continue to keep their relationship a secret.

Samantha takes a seat and scans the room: “I feel safe here now, not overwhelmed or unworthy, and the familiarity feels comforting. Still, Poet’s Corner feels magical. I hope it always does” (235). Cameron is the first to take the stage and proceeds to read a “poem that’s heartbreaking and angry” (235) and it takes Samantha by surprise. It turns out that his parents are going through a divorce. Emily volunteers to read next, and as she walks to the stage, Samantha notices how tired she looks: “She didn’t even try to cover up the thick dark circles under her bloodshot eyes, and if she brushed her hair this morning she got caught in an especially strong wind between then and now” (236). Emily, whose mother is seriously ill and in the hospital, announces that it has been a particularly tough week and her voice begins to crack. She reads a poem entitled “On My Way to You,” which was written in her mother’s hospital room. When she finishes, there are tears flooding down Emily’s face. 

AJ and Samantha are doing homework in Samantha’s family living room when he proposes that they tell people about their relationship. Over the past two weeks, their relationship has only intensified. They see each other constantly at school, in Poet’s Corner, and afterward.

AJ goes onto explain why he thinks they should tell people. It turns out that AJ’s ex-girlfriend Devon contacted him last night to see how he was doing. AJ tells Samantha that it felt wrong not to tell her that he was in a relationship, so he would like to start telling people moving forward. Samantha feels like she should be heartened by the news that AJ thinks highly enough of their relationship to tell other people, but instead she is nervous at the mere thought of Devon: “I bring my hand to the back of my neck and dig my fingernail in three times, but I don’t know why I’m upset. This is good” (244). However, Samantha’s mind is still obsessing over thoughts of Devon, and she asks AJ if he still loves her. AJ reassures Samantha that he did love Devon, but what he has with Samantha is different and special. AJ’s words calm Samantha to the point where her “toxic Devon-thoughts” (244) lose much of their power over her. They kiss, and Samantha agrees that they should make their relationship public.