Counting the Cost

Jill and Derick complete their first year in El Salvador. They return to Arkansas but plan to return to El Salvador in a few months. Jill feels unsettled and anxious. Chad and Jim Bob refuse to send her more than a few excerpts from the contract she allegedly signed. She realizes this is what she signed just before her wedding, though Jim Bob never told her it was a contract. Despite her anger, she tries to stay calm when she sees her family again. Their reunion is drama-free, and Jill hopes her father’s apology was genuine. 

Jill and Derick’s plans to return to El Salvador change when Jill learns she is pregnant again. Jim Bob calls a family meeting and tells everyone he and Michelle decided to give each child $80,000. He credits Derick with inspiring this decision. All the kids have to do is sign a document; after, Jim Bob will give them the money. Jill and Derick wonder if the money is a gift, compensation for past work, or a financial incentive to complete future work. Chad gives them the contract, which is not with TLC but instead with Mad Family Inc., which is Jim Bob and Michelle’s company. If they want the money, they must agree to be available for filming for the next seven years or more if the company chooses. They and their children must appear in any show Mad Family Inc. creates; this includes any future children they might have. They also have to sign nondisclosure agreements “which would remain active for the rest of [their] lives” (180). Jill and Derick decide immediately they do not want to sign the contract, though they could use the money. After much back and forth, Jim Bob tells them he wants to give them the money even if they do not sign the contract. 

Jill and her sisters decide to sue In Touch for releasing the documents about them and find a law firm who will take their case on contingency. Jill and Derick return to El Salvador and are approached by the International Mission Board (IMB), who want to work with them. When they tell Chad and TLC they are quitting the show, there is major fallout. Jill tries to get a full copy of the contract she signed before her wedding, but nobody will give it to her. Chad also steals most of the $1,500 remaining in Jill and Derick’s mission account, claiming he was owed it for accountancy work. IMB warns them that unless they can provide proof that Jill is released from all contractual obligations with TLC, they cannot hire them. Jill and Derick film an exit interview with TLC, though they still cannot prove they are free of all contracts.

Jill’s second birth is a difficult one. She has an emergency C-section without proper anesthetic after laboring for 36 hours. She is in intense pain and believes she and her baby are going to die. When she wakes, she learns her uterus ruptured and she lost half her blood volume but that her baby, Samuel, is alive and safe in the NICU. The doctors do not know if he will have any brain damage from the traumatic birth. Many of the women in Jill’s life, including her mother, take care of her when she and Samuel are released from the hospital. Chad tries to get Jim Bob to get a picture of Samuel for the show; Derick angrily texts Chad telling him to leave his family alone. Jill and Derick take time to recover from their ordeal. They receive a call from a neurologist who took brain scans of Samuel. The neurologist tells them Samuel has no brain damage from his traumatic birth. Jill and Derick are overjoyed. 

While they wait to get proof that Jill is released from her contract so they can start mission work again, Derick enrolls in a ministry residency program run by their church. They move into housing provided by the church. Jill experiences guilt and fear about possibly not being able to have more children. The idea that she should have many children was fundamental to her upbringing. She also feels guilty for having used contraception after her first son’s birth, on the recommendation that she not get pregnant again until at least 18 months after the C-section. There is a small part of her that is relieved to not have to have “a zillion pregnancies and deliveries” (212). She decides that, for her, “trusting God with the size of your family” (213) means trusting God even if he gives few children. 

Jill battles loneliness and isolation. She rarely sees her family, but she struggles to trust new people. Jill finds comfort at her new church, which is very different from the IBLP-style churches she grew up in. Many of the people at the church have tattoos and piercings, and the pastor’s wife wears pants. Jill asks Derick if he thinks women who wear pants cause men to think bad thoughts. He says no, leaving the decision to wear or not wear pants up to Jill. She finds this frustrating, as she is used to being told what to do. Her sister Jinger has already started wearing pants, and though she received “some backlash behind closed doors” (221), Jinger encourages Jill to make her own decisions. Jill decides she is going to start wearing pants. She wears them for the first time on an outing with Derick and their sons. 

Someone posts a photo of Jill wearing pants on the internet. Jim Bob takes her aside and chastises her for not informing him about her decision, as Jinger did. He gives Jill a book “that talks a lot about clothing and modesty and what it does to men when they see women wearing pants” (226). Jill is angry that her father does not respect her decisions. A few days later, she calls her mother to tell her she decided to get a nose piercing. Jim Bob leaves her a voicemail begging her not to “ruin her life” (227) with this decision. Jill and Jim Bob’s relationship deteriorates even more. Jill texts her father trying to explain her feelings, but Jim Bob does not take it well. He accuses her of being a threat to his children and his authority.